There are some days that I feel like I am getting a hang of this thing called parenthood. I can juggle what feels like a million things and manage to keep both boys alive until bed. Then I wake up and do it all over again the next day. And then there are other days where I wonder how the fuck I am going to make it past the next temper tantrum or attempted murder by toddler (I am convinced he is trying to kill his little brother). I try. I do. Each day I try to be a little better. A little more patient. A little more gentle. A little more accepting. Some days I succeed more than others. Those others, they make me want to start the day over and try again.
I wonder, did Mary ever have this problem with Jesus. Okay, so I get it, Mary had more patience than ten woman combined. I wonder though, did Jesus ever have act like my three year old? Did he ever get time outs? (Insert sarcasm here people) I am just saying, I am not a saint. I strive to be better but some days are are more of a challenge than others.
I will admit, I sometimes wish I could be more like that "other" mother. You know the one I am talking about. The one who seems to have it all together. I realize that not all things are as wonderful as they seem. We all know that it is easier to have more patience and keep ourselves grounded when surrounded by other parents. Yeah, I am sure some of you are reading this and think that one should always maintain themselves even when not in front of others. Sure, but are those people human?!
Every situation is different. Each child is different. Each home and family has its own set of challenges and small mountains to climb and conquer.
I guess I just don't want to feel like I am the only one who harbor's these feelings. I know, I am just one is a sea of mommy's who struggle with this. That is why I am writing about it. Lately I have felt stuck in this notion that I am just not getting it right. That I am not being my best. Some nights I lay down in my bed wondering how I could have done it better. I lay there promising that tomorrow I will get it right.
I want my children to have memories of their mother that don't have the words "crazy" or "scary" in them. I want them to know that even through those "moments", that I love them fiercely. I want them to feel how my heart swells for them and though mommy may seem like she is losing it some days, that she would never trade a second of it. In every moment of chaos there is love.
I am learning. Some days struggling. Failing.
Then I hear the laughter. I join in the dancing in the living room. I watch the smiles on their faces. I may not earn mother of the year today or tomorrow. With every job we do most of us take time to climb the ladder of success and get where we want to be. I am climbing mine. Learning each and every day how to get this thing called "parenting" right. I'll get there. You will get there. There may be screaming, crying, and temper tantrums (I am not talking about the kids right now) but we will get to a place where we stop beating ourselves up and start toasting to the fact that we made it another day.
(It was Jesus himself who turned water into wine. Possibly he knew mothers everywhere would need this to get them through their parenting years. Well done Jesus, and Thank you!)