The Battle between my body and my baby

I have always been passionate about nursing. Nursing both my children was important to me. I knew I always I wanted to be able to do this for my children. I had a rough go at it in the beginning with my first son, Chase, due to my milk not coming in for eight days post c-section. I was determined and stuck with it and happily, successfully, nursed him for 18 months. My second born, Wesley, is now 16 months and we are still nursing. With Chase it was first a goal of 6 months, then 12 months, and then finally I decided I wanted to wean him at 18 months. I knew before Wesley was born that my goal would be to nurse him until he was two, unless of coarse he weaned himself before this.

All smiles!

Breastfeeding to me is a magical thing. I feel fortunate that I have been able to do this for my children. I will never regret this decision. With that being said there are some moments these days where I just want my body back! There, I said it! It's my body! I created, carried and birthed two amazing little creatures with this vessel. The body is an amazing thing. The fact that I can make milk is mind blowing to me. Honestly, I am exhausted!

I don't want to sound like I am bitching or taking it for granted. I still do love nursing. Lately, these days and nights though, Wesley has been a little excessive in wanting to nurse. It's not like he is this tiny, little six pounds, eight ounce baby anymore. I now have a toddler who is nursing just as much as he did when I brought him home. Sleeping is almost non existent these days. I find myself getting frustrated because I just want to fucking sleep! Isn't that a simple request?!

Taken at Wesley's One year photo shoot

I feel like a human pacifier most of the time. He falls, he wants to nurse. It's nap time, he wants to nurse. He wakes up, he wants to nurse. He's bored, he wants to nurse. I feel little hands grabbing at me, pulling on my shirt. I look down and see tears rolling down his cheek as he screeches. I do say no some days, but most of the time I give in.

Yes, nursing gives me fabulous boobs. Right now they are just perfect. I should probably take a picture because soon enough they will be wilted and hanging to my knees. My body has been tackled by the changes brought on by motherhood. I have extra skin where I don't want it. A large scar "commemorating" the birth of both my boys. My hair is thin from massive amounts of hair that has fallen out. Soon the ladies will be right behind all of it...dragging!

This is the battle between my body and my baby. I want to give my child this incredible gift, yet I also want my body back. No, I do not want to wean him. Some of you might be reading this thinking that it would be the simple solution. I still want to nurse him and it is far from simple. I know I will miss these days, he is my last baby. There will be no more holding my children in my arms and nursing them to sleep. I tell myself these frustrating moments will soon be memories I will be yearning to get back. I do not want to feel selfish or ungrateful. I chose to nurse my children for them, not me.

When my child wants to be next to me, when those little hands are grabbing at me, or when my son wants my attention, this is exactly what I must always remember: It is all about them, not me. I know it is important to still do things for myself, to grow in my own personal way. For me, it is also important to remember why I chose to nurse in the first place. It's pretty evident, the baby wins this battle.

Liquid Gold

In a recent post, Hooray For Boobies, I talked about Breastfeeding and how I was fortunate to have nursed/nurse both of my boys. Not all of us are blessed with babes who come out ready to breastfeed. There are some mothers who struggle with wanting to give their babies breastmilk yet sometimes other circumstances cause this to be a struggle. Babies are born premature and are unable to nurse right away, some babies reject nursing, babies are born with conditions which cause them to be too ill to nurse, then there are parents who adopt yet still want to be able to give breastmilk. Did you know that you CAN induce lactation! How awesome is that! It takes a lot of work and sometimes it isn't successful yet this just shows how amazing the human body is.

For some families this is when it is fabulous that we have organizations such as Human Milk 4 Human Babies. I started following their Facebook page awhile back. I was drawn in by the stories that filled the pages. Some were heart breaking others were stories of gratitude of how milk sharing was an important role in the nourishment of their child.

I worked full time the first time around so every drop of "Liquid Gold" went to Chase. This time around I was fortunate to be home with Wesley and exclusively nurse. I pumped the first 7 months. Wes decided early on he wanted nothing to do with a bottle or a pacifier and his method of eating would strictly be the boob. I was left with a good amount of breastmilk that I had stored up. We have been using it in a sippy cup with Wes for months and will be using it to do our transition to cows milk. I still have a good amount frozen and it was decided that I wanted to share my milk! Vermont has its own Facebook page for Human Milk 4 Human Babies. With the help of this page I found a local family who wanted breastmilk. This mother was currently nursing and pumping but had a low supply and was looking to have more human milk for her baby. I was able to happily donate 53 oz. That may not be a large amount but to some even an oz is a blessing.

Nursing Wes at 7 Days New

Nursing Wes at 10 Months at The Big Latch On

I hope mothers everywhere consider to give the gift of human milk if they are able. Stop before you ditch that extra milk! Check the date, maybe you too can donate.

If you missed it jump on over to Because Mama Needs a Hobby and read the beginning of my journey with breastfeeding.

Happy Friday! Cheers! 

Hurray For Boobies!

Seriously who knew "Boobies" could be so awesome! They truly are amazing. We as women, are truly amazing. Our bodies are spectacular vessels that not only give life to little creatures, they also can feed these little guys. That right there my friends, is beyond beautiful.

August is National Breastfeeding Month. I was fortunate to nurse my first son for 18 months and am now nursing my second son who is 10 1/2 months. I would share my story but I am going to leave that up to a dear friend. See Liz from Because Mama Needs a Hobby will be doing posts throughout the month about women and their personal breastfeeding stories. We all have a different story. A journey all our own. Each of us enters motherhood writing our own stories. Check out her blog and take time to read these posts!

I was thrilled to be a part of The Big Latch On that took place in Landry Park, put on by the awesome crew of women from Burlington VT Moms Blog. I was one of 40 woman and their beautiful babies. All nursing our children at 10:30am on Friday, August 1st, 2014. This event was empowering, uniting, and beautiful.

I want to also stress how very fortunate I am that I was able to successfully nurse. Some women choose not to, which is OK! Then there are others who yearn to and for whatever reason can't. This can be heartbreaking. I know that it takes mama + baby to make it work. Both my boys were pros and came out ready to latch. For this I am blessed. I will never take for granted how special this is.

No matter if you nursed, pumped and bottle fed, or chose to use formula, (maybe all of the above!) you all are wonderful! You brought new life into this world. That within itself is phenomenal!