I love both my children immensely. My heart swells when I see their faces each morning and I know that I am fortunate to have them. For some reason they chose me to be their mother...those poor things...It is amazing some days that these two boys are brothers. I see similarities in them yet they are very different. Chase is my fire cracker. He is out going, energetic, eager, mischievous, and wild. Wesley on the other hand is laid back, shy, sweet, yet is has little fear. He has no qualms about climbing things and sending me into panic mode. Just as my boys are different, so is my love for them.
Chase is my first born, there is something sacred about that. There will never be another "first". The feelings I felt when I was pregnant to the first time I laid eyes on him are all moments that I will hold dear to me. Out of both of the boys he is most like me. I see it all the time, in things he does as well as the things he says. We can be close one moment then collide the next. I like to whisper in his ear that he is my "Favorite Person". Truth be told, he really is. Even in challenging moments (believe me, lately there have been several of those) I know he is an amazing boy. He may try to dodge my kisses yet he still asks to snuggle and insists on nightly back rubs from either myself or his father.
Then there is Wesley. I was just saying to his father that there is just "something" about him. I feel this connection with him that is very different. I can't say that I can pinpoint exactly what it is. When I was pregnant with Wesley he was diagnosed with Hydronephrosis. I spent half of my pregnancy not having answers and wanting to protect my child. I would lay awake at night and pray for a healthy baby. We were blessed with exactly that though I wonder if going through this with him drew me into him in a way that only I can feel but not explain. He is my "baby" and will always be just that. There is an innocence he possesses which intrigues me. He is a mama's boy; wherever I go he must go.
No, I do not have a favorite child. My love for my children is equal and continues to grow within me each day. I do feel it is fair to say that my love for both of them is different. As they are both their own unique creatures, so is the love I have for each of them. They both make up parts of me as I make up part of them. It goes beyond our blood, it is deeper than the ocean, and higher than the moon that hangs over their heads. My love for them cannot be measured nor can it be uttered in words that amplify their true meaning. Each of my boys have my love and it is limitless and unconditional.
I know as the years go by there will be shifts in both relationships with each boy. I know there will be times that one may be more drawn to me than the other. I also know that there will be times my relationship with one of them may cause a heavy heart. This is life. This is the hard part of parenting and raising little people. We are challenged, we are tested, we are forced to feel things that cause our hearts to ache.
We are also rewarded by the same love. We are given the most incredible gift we could ever receive. Nothing measures the love you share with your child. It is blissful, astounding, alluring, and magnificent. I am blessed to experience two very different and amazing loves.