A Unique Love; There Is No Favorite Child

I love both my children immensely. My heart swells when I see their faces each morning and I know that I am fortunate to have them. For some reason they chose me to be their mother...those poor things...It is amazing some days that these two boys are brothers. I see similarities in them yet they are very different. Chase is my fire cracker. He is out going, energetic, eager, mischievous, and wild. Wesley on the other hand is laid back, shy, sweet, yet is has little fear. He has no qualms about climbing things and sending me into panic mode. Just as my boys are different, so is my love for them.

Chase is my first born, there is something sacred about that. There will never be another "first". The feelings I felt when I was pregnant to the first time I laid eyes on him are all moments that I will hold dear to me. Out of both of the boys he is most like me. I see it all the time, in things he does as well as the things he says. We can be close one moment then collide the next. I like to whisper in his ear that he is my "Favorite Person". Truth be told, he really is. Even in challenging moments (believe me, lately there have been several of those) I know he is an amazing boy. He may try to dodge my kisses yet he still asks to snuggle and insists on nightly back rubs from either myself or his father.

Then there is Wesley. I was just saying to his father that there is just "something" about him. I feel this connection with him that is very different. I can't say that I can pinpoint exactly what it is. When I was pregnant with Wesley he was diagnosed with Hydronephrosis. I spent half of my pregnancy not having answers and wanting to protect my child. I would lay awake at night and pray for a healthy baby. We were blessed with exactly that though I wonder if going through this with him drew me into him in a way that only I can feel but not explain. He is my "baby" and will always be just that. There is an innocence he possesses which intrigues me. He is a mama's boy; wherever I go he must go. 

No, I do not have a favorite child. My love for my children is equal and continues to grow within me each day. I do feel it is fair to say that my love for both of them is different. As they are both their own unique creatures, so is the love I have for each of them. They both make up parts of me as I make up part of them. It goes beyond our blood, it is deeper than the ocean, and higher than the moon that hangs over their heads. My love for them cannot be measured nor can it be uttered in words that amplify their true meaning.  Each of my boys have my love and it is limitless and unconditional.

I  know as the years go by there will be shifts in both relationships with each boy. I know there will be times that one may be more drawn to me than the other. I also know that there will be times my relationship with one of them may cause a heavy heart. This is life. This is the hard part of parenting and raising little people. We are challenged, we are tested, we are forced to feel things that cause our hearts to ache.

We are also rewarded by the same love. We are given the most incredible gift we could ever receive. Nothing measures the love you share with your child. It is blissful, astounding, alluring, and magnificent. I am blessed to experience two very different and amazing loves.

What I Want My Children To Know About Love

I am in recovery from a most epic weekend. For those of you who know me or have been following me, you know that after five and a half years my partner and I finally took the plunge. Yes, it is official : I am a "Mrs" now!

We have done most everything in our relationship backwards; I have never been one to follow the rules. I do not regret any part of it. It is our own "Fairy Tale" made up of love, laughter, and two boys who we are wildly in love with.

It was special having the boys be a part of our day. They were dressed up in little suits equipped with ties and dress shoes that my four year old still insists on wearing with his shorts. Our little guy had no idea what was going on yet we have talked with Chase about this wedding since we started planning it five months ago. He still doesn't fully understand what marriage is yet I hope he will remember the day as he gets older. I want him to have flashes of us standing there, face to face, vowing to spend the rest of our lives together. With that being said this is what I want my children to know about love:

Love who you want: Do not let race, gender, or what anyone else says deter you from true love.

There is no perfect way to love, though love can be perfect for two people: We spend our lives trying to perfect relationships when all we need to do is love with our heart and souls. It won't always be easy, there will be times that it will be down right hard and ugly. In those times you need to love more. Give more. Every relationship is different and no one's love is greater than another.

You must have laughter in a home: Love is about happiness and bringing out joy in one another. If you can laugh together then you have found the antidote to any sadness that may weather in your home.

It's not a job, but it is work: In order for any relationship to thrive you need to work on it all the time. Love requires the commitment to allow it to grow and change. Love will be challenged, love may even hurt. Love will also heal.

Support one another: Know what the other is passionate about and support that passion even if it is not yours! Listen, be present, and encourage your partner to do what he or she wants.

Forgive: There will be fights, screaming, and sometimes crying. Never hold onto an argument. It is not about who is right and who is wrong. It is called compromise. Find that place in the middle where you both can feel that your feelings have been acknowledged.

Live in the moment: Never take the other one for granted. Life is a gift, often times taken away too quickly. Live each day as your last. Each day smile, laugh, and kiss one another. Go to bed every night with the last words being "I Love You."

Be thankful: Your love to one another is a gift. It is sacred. Create moments of gratitude with your partner. Let them know you appreciate them, that you appreciate the love you have made.


It has only been five years yet I hope that my children see the love we have for one another and grow knowing it. In thirty, forty, fifty years from now I want my children to look at us and never doubt the love we have for one another. These things are what I want my children to know about love.

5 Reasons to Love Date Night

It is Friday and tonight I have a date planned with the soon to be "hubs". We do not go out often so I am a bit excited about this. Tonight's date we are going to spend money we do not have an on a good dinner. Hey, we deserve it! Afterwards we will  mosey on out to look at wedding bands! Jewelery, food and drinks; you can't go wrong.

I use to feel anxiety leaving my children. Okay, so maybe I still feel a tinge of guilt. The reality is we will probably spend most of the dinner talking about them. I can say that I have finally gotten to a point where I do enjoy spending time alone with "The Man" without feeling the guilt of leaving my kids. I now know that I need to embrace these times. I started thinking about it and there are a few reasons why I LOVE date night. Let me share a few with you.

 

1~ Getting dressed up: These days I am either seen in my yoga pants, a pair of lounge pants or my running clothes. There is no point in getting dressed in anything other than this. Half the time I leave the house I am covered in drool and yogurt stains. I haven't worn a cute pair of heals in months. My hair is either in a pony or often resembles a birds nest. Who the hell has time to do their hair when they are trying to get two toddlers dressed, fed, and attempting to keep them from killing one another before noon?! Tonight I am going to take a shower, maybe even shave, and blow dry my hair. I will put on make up, perfume and even that new bra I bought weeks ago that I have only worn a couple times since I seem to have an unhealthy relationship with my nursing bra...Oh wait, it's because I have a nineteen month old who thinks my boobs are his. Not tonight baby, those ladies are coming out with me!

2~ Someone serves me: For once I get to sit my ass down and have someone take my order and serve me! There will be no demands, screams, or yelling coming from the kids mouths. I will be able to have someone else cater to me. I won't have to move anything but my arm to bring my drink to my mouth. There will be no crumbs at my feet, no dogs drooling from the other room, and food will remain on the plate and not flying across room as I duck so it doesn't hit me. I won't have to threaten them to eat their food, there will be no time outs, and no dishes to do after! I won't have to worry about wiping faces, hands or asses. I have left that task to Nana & Pop-Pop since they seem to think their grandsons are so cute.

3~ Enjoying A Few Drinks:  I enjoy a few too many drinks on the weekends. I am strict with myself all week and look forward to Friday night. It is amazing I make it through most days without hiding in the bathroom with a bottle. Most of these weekend nights I am lucky if I get to finish a beer before it gets warm or the baby spills it over. I also have suffered through two pregnancies where I had to watch The Man enjoy several of his favorite drinks while I had to patiently wait for my children to exit my body before I could take part in this "sport". It is in my intentions to not only have a couple of drinks but to be sure I get a good buzz on. Tonight the Man gets to drive MY ass around! No DD for this Mama.

4~ Quality Time: Since these moments between myself and The Man are almost extinct these days I am grateful for these times. I love being around him and even though I miss the creatures it is important to take time for US. It is vital for our relationship that we have these dates to come back to where it all began; with him and I. Some day our children will not want to snuggle us, play with us, and hold our hands. Someday it will be back to him and I again, just as before they were here. I want us to be sure to take time to share with one another. To continue to work on our relationship. To remember why we fell in love and to keep that fire burning.

5~ Returning Home: After the couple of hours that belong to this date we will go and pick up our children and return home. I will never get old seeing the look on my children's face when I have been gone and walk through that door. It is kind of like the puppy who won't stop licking your face even though you just went to get the mail. I love feeling those little arms wrap around me, the nestling into my neck, followed by as many kisses I can get in before one of them swats me away.

I am not sure when the next date night will be. We tend to go several months between them, have even once gone a full year without a date. Tonight I plan to enjoy each moment of Date Night!!

Now, time to figure out what I am going to wear...


Happy Friday! How often do you do date night?

My K-I-S-S-I-N-G Song

We are brought up around Disney Fairy Tales, Playground Songs, and stories of "Happily Ever After". There is the story of Prince Charming. Let's not forget about Cinderella looking for her glass slipper and falling in love with her price. Flynn who saves Rapunzel from the tall towers where she is kept away. Even our four legged friends Pongo and Perdita from 101 Dalmations, they too shared a love story.

Do you remember the Playground song: "The K-I-S-S-I-N-G Song" ?

Just in case you don't remember it goes like this:


(Girl's name) and (boy's name) sitting in the tree
K-i-s-s-i-n-g! (spell it out)
First comes love.
Then comes marriage.
Then comes baby in the baby carriage,
Sucking his thumb,
Wetting his pants,
Doing the hula, hula dance!

Cute huh? You most likely can recall that one. We all sang that whether it was in a group of our girlfriends or taunting another kid on the playground. We tried our best to embarrass some poor kid who had no idea what the hell love was or what trouble it would someday bring. No, we were all innocent at one time.

Some of us also play out our own Disney love stories in our minds. Over and over and over...

Love, as I have figured out, doesn't always happen in fairy tale format. My love story, well, my love story is how I believe it was suppose to happen. In some eyes it would be considered nontraditional. Some may even refer to it as living in sin. Sin, yes, I have plenty of times. But if living in sin means discovering the most incredible loves of my life...then I wouldn't change a thing.

Taken by Wild Clover Photography

Jay and I met six years ago. We were friends first. If someone would have told me I would be in this life with him now I would have laughed. Hard! But back to my love story...5 years ago we started dating. I did fall in love with him right away. You know that feeling when you touch someones hand and you can just feel it. It is as if there is this hot, intense force drawing you together? Maybe you know what I mean. That is how I felt the first time we actually crossed the line of friends and did somethings as simple as kiss and hold hands.

It wasn't a fairy tale from there though. Things were not always easy and we did have a few "bumps". After a couple of months we figured out that we both wanted to explore our relationship. Things were great. No, scratch that, things were amazing! We spent our time laughing, enjoying one another, drinking, eating...then I got pregnant.

Our first son, Chase, was not planned. We were still excited and the prospect of this tiny creature coming into our lives brought us closer. Chase was born in 2011. Life as we knew it changed. No more late nights drinking and having sex. It was now late nights exhausted from our son and the thought of sex was the farthest thing from my mind. 

Still, after child number one, we decided to try for number two. We planned and after some extra curricular activities, we were blessed with another boy, Wesley, in 2013.

It has been five year, two children and finally on Valentines Day, Jay asked me to marry him. And I said YES! When I told a friend about my engagement what she said next has stayed with me:

"I think you sort of have to, at this point. Except you DON'T actually. So it says something that you did. You're kids are so lucky that you keep choosing each other". ~ Friend

No, we did not get married before we had children. Our love may not be a traditional love story. It is MY love story! It is Cinderella meets Prince Charming. Only in my Disney film Cinderella gets knocked up while trying to find her glass slipper.

Five years later I am still crazy in love with Jay. We are different than we were five years ago. We are different because we are better. We have grown together. We have learned together. We have laughed, cried and yelled at one another. Yes, I do believe it says something powerful about our love that we do keep "choosing each other". No matter what hurdle life throws at us, and with two boys I know there will be plenty, this much I know for sure:  I always know at the end of any day, that the man walking in that door is the only man that I want to grow old with.


Happy Friday!! If you like this be sure to please hit the Like button & Share! Have a fabulous day! 

Being the "Other" Woman

I use to know this woman. There were many things about her I will never forget. She lingers in my memory and once in awhile I can catch glimpses of her if I close my eyes and take a moment to drift back in time.

She was feisty and vivacious. When she laughed the whole room could hear her. She was a bit on the wild side. She liked to party, to drink, to dance into the early hours of the morning. It was knee high boots, lipstick, and perfume.

As I talk about her now I see her spending money frivolously as she sits at the bar with a drink in her hand. It is only her. Sometimes there is a man but he never stays for that long. She cannot seem to get it right. Dating for her is like a train wreck. She is constantly derailing and losing herself more along the way. She thinks that she is happy. She does not yet know what happiness is.  

My eyes fill with tears for her and I blink them away and smile. She just wasn’t ready. She needed to let life happen. There were mistakes to be made. Lessons to be learned. She needed to grow. To be able to love herself before life could give her the greatest gifts of all.

Fast forward a bit. I can tell you now that this woman is no longer there. Today is she is stronger and more fierce than she ever thought she could be. She has learned to fight hard for the things that she wants. It is through her unsteady feet that she learned to find balance and stand tall. She learned what it felt like to take chances. She realized that there is a plan for her. The road ahead was paved with laughter, love and tiny miracles.

Love came walking into her life. Real love. The kind that ignites a fire in you and creates a warmth in you only felt by true love. She found companionship and loyalty. She didn't need to look for it, love found her.

Then, the most amazing thing happened; she became a mother.

This woman would learn what the real important things were in life. It didn’t always mean that she would always feel glamorous. There would be no more staying up all night because she chose to; it would be because her children kept her up all night. She wouldn’t be at a bar dancing. Dance parties would now take place in her living room with her two children bouncing right next to her. It was in these moments that she would feel more alive than she ever did. It took two little boys to change her world. They saved her.

Motherhood can be "messy". It is truly the hardest job that I have had. I am challenged each moment of every day to be the best that I can be for my children. I don’t always get to shower. It has been a long time since I have had lunch with a girlfriend or even a date with my man. I don’t get raises, or recognized as “employee of the month”. I hardly hear “thank you”. I rarely get my hair done and let's not even talk about how long it has been since my last pedicure. Some days I am exhausted and just want to get away.

All of that is so small compared to the bigger things motherhood has brought me. I am truly the happiest I have ever been. There is nothing like this love. I am consumed by it and grateful to be this woman now. This woman is blessed to wake each morning to two boys who make every second worth living. Every moment that I am given with them is a treasure.

I think about that other woman once in awhile. I haven’t forgot about her and she comes alive in me from time to time. I can see her other times when I watch my children. She is right there in them; pieces of me living on in them. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss her...

Today, now, this woman; she is a the woman I was meant to be.



If you liked this post (fingers crossed) than please Like, Share, and Tweet! Much Love! 

 

I Want You To Know: To My Boys

To My Boys:

I want you to know that I wanted you both more than I could ever put into words. I dreamed of you, wished for you, and loved you long before I ever heard the amazing sound of your heartbeats.

I want you to know that it is okay to make mistakes. Sometimes you have to fall down, get back up and "shake it off" in order to move on and understand certain things.

I want you to know it is okay to love whomever you want. Love is a beautiful and amazing thing. Your heart will get broken. Once, maybe twice, maybe more. Yet never deny yourself the chance to feel those butterflies. Someday you will give your heart away and it will be one of the most beautiful things.

I want you to know you can be whatever you want. I don't care if you want to fly an airplane, be a doctor, or work at the dump. Just do what makes you happy! Don't ever stay in a job that makes you unhappy, life is too short. Explore. Take Chances. Do what you love.

I want you to know that it is okay to cry. Yes, cry! Tears are not a sign of weakness, it shows that you are strong enough to allow yourself to feel. Sometimes it feels better after you have a good cry. So go ahead, I will be here to hold you when you do.

I want you to know that family is important. No matter what happens, don't forget that family is blood. Love one another, forgive one another, and lean on one another. You never know when you may need your family. When you have a family of your own one day, put them first. Work will be there later. Life is about making memories, you have to make time for that.

I want you to know that forgiveness is not always easy, but it is always healing. Be the bigger person. Open your heart. Give second chances. Take them yourself. Forgiving isn't just about others, learn to forgive your own mistakes as well.

Strawberry Picking Take #3!!

One More Thing:

I want you to know that there is never such a thing as picking too many strawberries (We went for our third time today)

Not forgetting how this all started

I just made reservations for Valentine's Day. This will make exactly a year since Jay and I have been out together, alone! No kids! Really a year, I am not shitting you on this. Last year on Valentines Day I was prego. Which meant no sushi or alcohol. This year I am indulging!

You probably are wondering how it has been a year. Some would say it is crazy, maybe a bit unhealthy. They say to be sure to do dates and spend alone time together especially after having children. Yes, we probably should do it more. My kids are small though. I love being around them, I want them around! It's not that we don't go do things or go out to eat, we do, but usually with kids in tow. We don't have a baby sitter and the only place I leave my kids is with my parents. I don't like leaving them. Every second I am away from them all I do is think about them. If just for a short time, I miss them terribly.

Let's  not also forget it takes money to go out. We are raising two boys, money is not growing on trees these days. 

I look at it that years will go by, they won't be little. Some day they are not going to want to hang out with mommy. There will be football, dates, parties and all these other things mommy will no longer get to be a part of. I don't want to miss moments with them. I want to be a part of creating moments with my children. To make memories that I will be able to look back on when I am sitting with their father on a porch some day, drinking a beer and laughing over this or that.

Maternity Photo While Pregnant with Wes. Taken by the amazing Wild Clover Photography.

It was him and I before them. It will be us after they leave. We created this beautiful family together. These boys came from love.

It is easy to lose sight of this from time to time. Children, as we all know, change things. There are ups and downs. Good days and bad. I know it will take effort, love, patience and understanding to make this relationship not only last, but also grow.

I do my best to be a good partner and mother. The two do go hand in hand. It's a balance. Like sitting on a teeter totter and waiting for your feet to touch the ground. Hoping that one day we do still look at one another and feel the love we did when we created this family.

With this being said, I am excited for our date. Though I am sure most of our conversation will fall back to the boys, it will still be nice to sit there with one another. Just him & I.