As long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. It is probably one of the only things I have ever been certain of. The longing for it came early on. Some people just know. Others discover. In my early twenties I was too busy "playing". As my late twenties came I began to wonder if I would meet the right partner to have children with. I even was contemplating that some day I may have to have a donor so I would be able to have a child. It wasn't just having a child either. I had the strong desire to be pregnant. I have always felt that being able to grow and carry a baby inside you is one of the most incredible gifts. Two children later and I am still in awe of this.
I was in denial the first time I was pregnant. My first son, Chase, was not planned. I put off taking a test. I figured I was just late. I was enjoying my time with his father. We hadn't been together long and we were at that stage where we were indulging in the blissfulness of a new relationship. After being considerably late and a girlfriend of mine suggesting that I was indeed pregnant, I took a test. It was a Sunday afternoon when I found out I was pregnant. Life as we knew it would never be the same. Chase came crashing into our lives on the morning of January 18th, 2011.
My second son was planned. I wanted him so badly. The second time around we decided not to find out the sex. I always knew it was a boy though. There was this strong feeling. A connection of sorts you could say. I still feel this when I look at him. On a September 18th, 2013, during a beautiful sunset sky and the night of a full moon, Wesley arrived.
I love them with every inch of me. I feel blessed to have them. Watching them grow, especially Chase these days, I have discovered so much about myself. They complete me. Now I sit back and can see myself within them. They teach me. I continue to learn and grow. I am finding out more about myself each day I am with them. I am "discovering me in them"...