Letting My Son See Me Cry

There are a lot of things that I want to be to my children. How my children see me is important. I want my children to look at me and see a strong woman. I want them to know that I am a fighter. I want them to look at me and be proud. I want them to see a woman who goes after what she wants and is passionate about life. I want my boys to see their mother as determined. I want them to know I will do whatever it takes to make them happy. I do not ever want my children to think I am a sad person. Letting my boys see me cry is something I struggle with.

I strongly believe in expressing feelings and encouraging our children to do the same. There is nothing wrong with crying and I want both my boys to know that. I want them to be able to feel. To allow themselves to express themselves when they are happy or sad. I always tell my four year old, Chase, that it is okay to cry. I don't want my children feeling shamed for their feelings. I want to empower my son's to be comfortable with themselves and to express how they feel, and that includes crying in front of people.

Photo Credited To Wilcloverphotography

As their mother I have a hard time allowing them to see me cry. I know it is okay. I know I should not worry about that. But I do. The other morning something made me disheartened and I sat down and cried. I tried my best to not sound like a sobbing baby yet Chase was aware that I was crying. He asked me what was wrong and why I was sad. I softly told him that it was nothing, that mama was okay. It's not so much the act of crying in front of him, it is explaining to him why I am crying. He's too little to handle certain conversations. He is too small to know the pain that life can hand you. I am not ready for him to have to worry about certain battles he will inevitably face. It is not his place to worry about his mother. This is why I have a hard time letting my son see me cry. It is my job to comfort him, not for him to comfort me.

Crying in front of him does happens. Mommy gets frustrated some days to the point of tears and I don't have enough time to scurry out of the room before my eyes can no longer be a barrier to the inevitable water fall that is about to happen. There are times he has been sad and I can't help but cry along with him. I feel every ounce of his sadness at times and it can be so overwhelming I am unable to control my emotions.

I want my boys to not fear their emotions. I do not want them running from me to hide their pain. What I don't want to hear is the endless toddler cry over nothing at all (you know what I am talking about mama's!) but I do want them to be comfortable with their emotions. I want them to be able to come to me when they need me, a hug or just a good cry. Most of us know a good cry can heal the soul.

I know I need to also allow myself to be free. I need to be me. If I cry, well so be it. I do not need to explain to them what is going on inside mommy. I do need to let them see me as me, and that means in my most dismal moments.

I firmly believe that those moments that make you collapse to the ground, break your heart, or shatter your dreams; those are the moments that build you up. Those moments are teaching, as well as empowering if we allow them to be. Sadness takes on many forms and is different for each person. No one person can be happy every moment of every day. There is enough pressure to be the best mom I can be for my children. There are days filled with mommy guilt, some that are filled feeling like a failure. Crying in font of my children has happened, will happen, and I hope they learn from me.

I hope my children look back and say that their mother was strong, passionate, determined, and that they could always feel my love. I hope they will talk about how I encouraged them to be themselves, to love whomever they wanted, and to feel whatever their hearts feel. I want them to know that despite any sadness, life is truly a beautiful gift. I know that I will always look back at them, thankful for each moment they gave me, because without them I would not be any of these things.