I start to go over in my head how I can build my miles before he leaves. I consider adding in another stroller run while my oldest is in school. I can always get my folks to watch the kids so I can get a long run in. Maybe I could have the neighbor's daughter come over... All these things go racing through my head. I can feel the blood rush to my face and hear my voice rise as I utter words "under my breath" but loud enough so that he knows I am displeased. Displeased doesn't even describe it. Let's go with furious! I know I am being selfish and irrational. Truth is it is not my first Half Marathon and I know I am ready for it even if I have to taper back sooner than I planned. I was so counting on that last weekend before the race to get a couple more long runs in. It doesn't matter to me right then. I have to run, need to run, and a part of me feels like I will go crazy without my runs!
I am addicted to running. It is my drug. I think it, I dream it and I anxiously wait for that next time I can get out there. I grow envious of of other runners when I am driving or happen to look out my window and see someone running. It didn't start out this way for me. I was a late bloomer, in my thirties and after my first child before I got hooked on running. Sure, I dabbled in it before but never seemed to get that to that place within me that I do now. What started as a healthy habit turned into the best high I ever had. Who knew the motion of my own body could create such euphoria.
I don't like having to take running breaks. Due to an injury, health or life's schedule. I hate to have it not be in my control that I don't get to run. After my second son was born I couldn't wait to get back out there. I had run throughout my entire pregnancy and now I was being told I had to heal before I could get out there. I had my son via c-section (it was my second one). I was suppose to wait 6 to 8 weeks before I started running again. I started running at 4 weeks post baby. Shhh, I never told my doctors. Let's just say I have never been that good at listening to orders. (In my defense I knew my body and was ready to ease back in. Always listen to your doctors! As a mother would say: Do as I Say, not as I do!).
Is it an addiction? It's dedication, determination, and drive. An addiction is classified as something that is harmful to you. Yes, I depend on running. Yes, I need running. And yes, I can't imagine my life without it now that I have it. The benefits of running are truly amazing and how can something so great be bad? Because it is not! Running is one of the best commitments I have ever made. I made the choice to better who I was. I committed to creating a healthier, happier, and stronger me. Call it an addiction if you like, but this is one habit I hope I never give up. I am grateful I get to run. My legs are a gift. My body is incredible. My life is a blessing.
Simple Definition of addiction
: a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble)
: an unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something
Source: Merriam-Webster's Learner's Dictionary
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