Tuesday, May 10, 2016

The Addiction I Can't Kick

When my husband informed me that he was going to be out of town the weekend before my next half marathon there may have been fire coming out of me ears. When he tried to switch it to the weekend before and it didn't work with everyone else I think fire then came out of my mouth. It's not the fact that he is going away. By all means, I encourage him to do things and want him to be happy. What the problem is when I hear that he is going out of town what that translates into for me is: I won't be able to run.

I start to go over in my head how I can build my miles before he leaves. I consider adding in another stroller run while my oldest is in school. I can always get my folks to watch the kids so I can get a long run in. Maybe I could have the neighbor's daughter come over... All these things go racing through my head. I can feel the blood rush to my face and hear my voice rise as I utter words "under my breath" but loud enough so that he knows I am displeased. Displeased doesn't even describe it. Let's go with furious! I know I am being selfish and irrational. Truth is it is not my first Half Marathon and I know I am ready for it even if I have to taper back sooner than I planned. I was so counting on that last weekend before the race to get a couple more long runs in. It doesn't matter to me right then. I have to run, need to run, and a part of me feels like I will go crazy without my runs!

Stock Photo

I am addicted to running. It is my drug. I think it, I dream it and I anxiously wait for that next time I can get out there. I grow envious of of other runners when I am driving or happen to look out my window and see someone running. It didn't start out this way for me. I was a late bloomer, in my thirties and after my first child before I got hooked on running. Sure, I dabbled in it before but never seemed to get that to that place within me that I do now. What started as a healthy habit turned into the best high I ever had. Who knew the motion of my own body could create such euphoria.

I don't like having to take running breaks. Due to an injury, health or life's schedule.  I hate to have it not be in my control that I don't get to run. After my second son was born I couldn't wait to get back out there. I had run throughout my entire pregnancy and now I was being told I had to heal before I could get out there. I had my son via c-section (it was my second one). I was suppose to wait 6 to 8 weeks before I started running again. I started running at 4 weeks post baby. Shhh, I never told my doctors. Let's just say I have never been that good at listening to orders. (In my defense I knew my body and was ready to ease back in. Always listen to your doctors! As a mother would say: Do as I Say, not as I do!).

Is it an addiction? It's dedication, determination, and drive. An addiction is classified as something that is harmful to you. Yes, I depend on running. Yes, I need running. And yes, I can't imagine my life without it now that I have it. The benefits of running are truly amazing and how can something so great be bad? Because it is not! Running is one of the best commitments I have ever made. I made the choice to better who I was. I committed to creating a healthier, happier, and stronger me. Call it an addiction if you like, but this is one habit I hope I never give up. I am grateful I get to run. My legs are a gift. My body is incredible. My life is a blessing.

Simple Definition of addiction

  • : a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble)
  • : an unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something
Source: Merriam-Webster's Learner's Dictionary
 
 
Yes, I will still be grumbling that I will lose miles at the end of the month. It may make me go a little stir crazy. Here is what I find comfort in: I know running will be there when my husband gets back. Waiting for me like an old friend ready to catch up on life. The pavement ready to let me dance on it's surface. The wind pushing me forward when I am not sure I can do that extra mile. The thrill of a faster pace or a new PR. Those two little faces that I think of as I reach the finish line. This certainly is the best habit I have ever picked up. If only my younger self would have know about this...but then again, I may not have appreciated it as I do now. Life is amazing like that...always surprising us, teaching us and pushing us to grow. 

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14 comments:

  1. I wrote a post similar to this a few months ago. According to the guidelines for addiction, yep, I am. I'm a runaholic. And it's all good.

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    1. Yeah, I don't have much shame regarding it. I figure there are much worse things right!

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  2. Oh, I love this! This is how I feel as well. Sometimes even when I have already run, I see runners out later in the day and feel a twinge of envy. :)

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    1. Yes! Exactly! It really has taken over me in the best way possible. This is the weekend my hubby is gone so I am going to be grouchy!

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  3. Great post!
    After reading this I realized I'm addicted to having everything neat and clean.....for basically the same reasons!

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    1. Thanx!! Your addiction isn't really a bad one to have either! I suffer from that as well. At least we aren't hoarders! ;)

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  4. I hear ya girl....I'm pretty addicted to running too and I get into quite a mood when I can't :P

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    1. I feel bad for my children this weekend. Mommy might be a bit cranky! I am def dropping them at my parents on Sunday to get one long run in. Jay leave tomorrow...Funny, I have never left my kids!

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  5. Yes it does become an addiction doesn't it? I remember how hard it was when my kids were younger to get my fix.

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    1. I have a goal of training for my first marathon after 40 (I am 38). I figure I can start committing more to those long runs which take up a lot of time. Until then I try to get in as many miles in as I can and love my Half Marathon distance.

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  6. UGHHHH! I HATE when wrenches are thrown into the system... but I try my damnest to not let them affect me negatively! This is very annoying but there are lots of way you can work it all out- I have faith in you!

    I have some addictions - you will see on my blog if you visit (my post this week is about breaking one)... But I have learned to just go with the flow lately too and it's working in my favor!

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    1. I will def check out your blog!!! I am curious now what your addictions are. Yes, trying to stay positive is very important! I don't like becoming "scary mommy" but my runs are the only thing I really do for me. It's a balance between children and being married to get in that time.

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  7. LOL this made me laugh! I am the exact same way if something comes up and I can't get a run in. I'm addicted too!

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    1. It really is a must I get out there. Watch out if I don't! I really get bitchy! Glad you get it and it made you laugh!! :)

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