The Addiction I Can't Kick

When my husband informed me that he was going to be out of town the weekend before my next half marathon there may have been fire coming out of me ears. When he tried to switch it to the weekend before and it didn't work with everyone else I think fire then came out of my mouth. It's not the fact that he is going away. By all means, I encourage him to do things and want him to be happy. What the problem is when I hear that he is going out of town what that translates into for me is: I won't be able to run.

I start to go over in my head how I can build my miles before he leaves. I consider adding in another stroller run while my oldest is in school. I can always get my folks to watch the kids so I can get a long run in. Maybe I could have the neighbor's daughter come over... All these things go racing through my head. I can feel the blood rush to my face and hear my voice rise as I utter words "under my breath" but loud enough so that he knows I am displeased. Displeased doesn't even describe it. Let's go with furious! I know I am being selfish and irrational. Truth is it is not my first Half Marathon and I know I am ready for it even if I have to taper back sooner than I planned. I was so counting on that last weekend before the race to get a couple more long runs in. It doesn't matter to me right then. I have to run, need to run, and a part of me feels like I will go crazy without my runs!

Stock Photo

I am addicted to running. It is my drug. I think it, I dream it and I anxiously wait for that next time I can get out there. I grow envious of of other runners when I am driving or happen to look out my window and see someone running. It didn't start out this way for me. I was a late bloomer, in my thirties and after my first child before I got hooked on running. Sure, I dabbled in it before but never seemed to get that to that place within me that I do now. What started as a healthy habit turned into the best high I ever had. Who knew the motion of my own body could create such euphoria.

I don't like having to take running breaks. Due to an injury, health or life's schedule.  I hate to have it not be in my control that I don't get to run. After my second son was born I couldn't wait to get back out there. I had run throughout my entire pregnancy and now I was being told I had to heal before I could get out there. I had my son via c-section (it was my second one). I was suppose to wait 6 to 8 weeks before I started running again. I started running at 4 weeks post baby. Shhh, I never told my doctors. Let's just say I have never been that good at listening to orders. (In my defense I knew my body and was ready to ease back in. Always listen to your doctors! As a mother would say: Do as I Say, not as I do!).

Is it an addiction? It's dedication, determination, and drive. An addiction is classified as something that is harmful to you. Yes, I depend on running. Yes, I need running. And yes, I can't imagine my life without it now that I have it. The benefits of running are truly amazing and how can something so great be bad? Because it is not! Running is one of the best commitments I have ever made. I made the choice to better who I was. I committed to creating a healthier, happier, and stronger me. Call it an addiction if you like, but this is one habit I hope I never give up. I am grateful I get to run. My legs are a gift. My body is incredible. My life is a blessing.

Simple Definition of addiction

• : a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble)
• : an unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something

Source: Merriam-Webster's Learner's Dictionary

 

 

Yes, I will still be grumbling that I will lose miles at the end of the month. It may make me go a little stir crazy. Here is what I find comfort in: I know running will be there when my husband gets back. Waiting for me like an old friend ready to catch up on life. The pavement ready to let me dance on it's surface. The wind pushing me forward when I am not sure I can do that extra mile. The thrill of a faster pace or a new PR. Those two little faces that I think of as I reach the finish line. This certainly is the best habit I have ever picked up. If only my younger self would have know about this...but then again, I may not have appreciated it as I do now. Life is amazing like that...always surprising us, teaching us and pushing us to grow. 

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