Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Love, Compassion, Trust & Safety: Where did it go?

I am not into TV. I could pretty much do without it. If the TV is on in the living room while I am home it is usually Disney Junior that is on. When I do watch TV it is at night time when I am laying in bed waiting for sleep to take me to a happy place. I pretty much go between three shows: Big Bang Theory, Pawn Stars or anything on ID (Investigation Discovery). Some nights I need to laugh. Some nights I need brain stimulation (I love seeing all the old things that come into the pawn shop and the history behind it). Then there are those nights I need some intrigue. I am hooked on ID! Shows like Swamp Murders, Evil Kin, Dateline, Blood Relatives, Nightmare Next Door, and the new one: Surviving Evil. Most of these shows come with some pretty disturbing details. Some sad,others down right unbelievably heartbreaking. Yet I am drawn to these shows.

They say it is like a train wreck, you just can't help but watch. Part of it is the excitement of catching the bad guy in the end. It does terrify me that such evil lurks in some people. I have fucked up dreams sometimes after watching an episode of one of these shows. One time I had a dream that Jason killed someone and cut them into pieces and burned their body.  Years later he was caught but as his partner I kept it a secret. Just last week I had another dream that an one of my clients, from a previous clinic I use to work at, held me and some friends hostage and attempted to kill us all with an injection of something pink. I woke up right before it was going to be my turn. WTF right! Maybe I should stop watching thee shows. Yeah, probably not likely to happen.

What it has also done is instill into me that people are untrustworthy. You never really know a person do you? It is always in some small, safe town that these kidnapping and murders seems to occur. A neighbor, a co worker and even your partner that you have always trusted. Everyone has a deep, dark secret.

The first day Chase went to preschool a couple of weeks back I got a knock at the door. I typically do not answer the door if I am not expecting someone. I always try to see if I can see the person from the window. I couldn't this day and for some reason decided to open the door. It was a young girl selling a Kirby vacuum who asked if she could have a few minutes of my time. (By the way, what they really mean is can I steal 25 minutes of precious time from you). Since this girl seemed nice enough and had the awful job of going door to door selling a vacuum, (Yeah, I know, her choice) I invited her in to do her presentation. Maybe it was because I was feeling emotional, who the fuck knows. Or maybe it was because she brought a little basket of food as a thank you for inviting her in (Hey, it was food! Don't judge!) As she was unpacking the ridiculously priced vacuum my head started spinning. Someone had dropped her off. What if this was all a plan to get in my house? Is she going to try to kill me and my baby? Should I go grab the phone? She looked like she was honest enough, but those are the ones that commit the crimes. Needless to say she did her presentation and left without pulling out a knife.

It happens at the store, when I go running, at random times. Those thoughts wondering if the creepy dude staring at me and my boys is going to follow me. The truck that is slowing down as I am running, is he going to grab me? Seriously, maybe I should stop watching those shows!

It also saddens me that the world has turned into a place like this. I fear having my children someday walking the streets or playing outside. When I was a child we would be outside all the time without supervision. I just can't wrap my head around sending my kids outside without me. What happened to mankind? What happened to love, compassion, trust and safety? I wish more for my children than having to fear the evil of others. I want my children to be able to live in a world where we don't have to lock our doors. I want my children to learn trust. It is my job to teach them love and raise them to be good men. To show them kindness and respect, and how to give that to others. I can only hope they make the right choices and that evil does not cross their paths.

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