In just over a couple of weeks it seems mind boggling to me that I will be celebrating my babies FIRST BIRTHday. Seriously, can someone please pinch me now?! I can honestly say the past year has flown by. It saddens me that he will be turning into a "toddler" soon. I assure you though that the title "Baby Wesley", as we call him at home, will most likely follow him for years to come.
Over the past year there have been many changes and discoveries. This Blog is called "Discovering Me In Them" for a reason. I went from being a full time mom who also worked full time to being a SAHM working part time. I thought I would reflect on some of the things I have learned about myself in the past year and what this year has taught me.
* When they tell you it is the hardest job you will ever have they are not kidding! I heard it several times and it is not that I didn't believe them, I just didn't completely understand it until now. Some days are down right exhausting and I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions. Others are filled with play and laughter. This job is unpredictable and challenging. It is without a doubt the hardest job I have ever had. On the other side of it I have never had a job give back so much in return. I can't imagine one moment without these little creatures not at my feet or pulling at me with those dirty, sticky little hands.
* I always thought I was a patient person until...wait...can you guess? Until I had kids! I thought I could be softer and much more patient than I am some days. This actually disappoints me, kind of even hurts some days. I have to practice patience daily. There are days I manage to succeed while other days I fail miserably. This is one of those lessons that they are teaching me.
* Forgiveness. I do this daily. I have come to terms that there will be many fails as a parent. I have found that the longer I dwell on the mistakes I make the harder it is to let go and move on. Parenting is learning as you go. You have to forgive yourself in order to move forward. I tend to be my biggest critic. Each day I vow to try harder than the next. I am bound to figure it out and get it right sooner or later right?!
* Working part time and staying home has taught me balance. It wasn't easy in the first few months. I had to try find where work fit into my life after making the decision to stay home with my boys. Working from home some days is not a luxury as some people may think. Have you ever tried to make a phone call with kids around? It always seems like a good idea to do a little work when they are playing or napping. Then it happens, you pick up the phone and suddenly all hell breaks loose! There are days which I have to leave for work and being that I am with them most of the time I still struggle to feel okay with working and being away from them. There are days I wonder if it will ever feel okay. Will I adapt as they seem to do? It is a balance that I am working on still a year later but happy to say I am getting better at.
* I have been taught that these moments with my children are priceless. I may not know what a lunch break is, how to take a piss by myself, or always shower without worrying if one of the kids will be dead when I get out, but that is all okay! The past year has flown by. Shit, the past 4 years have flown by! I am happy and blessed for each and every single moment. I would not change where I am right now because for me this is exactly how it is suppose to be for me.
* The past year has taught me to be gracious for everything. Even the smallest of things. I appreciate what I have and though I have to admit there are days I would love a big house, a new car, or maybe even a new wardrobe (oh and bra's! Seriously, I don't even know the last time I bought a nice bra), that all those things are only material items. It is the people who I am surrounded with that make life incredible.
I am sure if I had more time (Time? What is that?) I may have been able to come up with 10 or maybe even 15 things to write about. I wonder if in another year I will look back on this list and find that life has gotten less crazy. Maybe I will have adapted more. Or maybe in a year this list will still be the same. Really, it doesn't matter. I feel I am right where I was meant to be. This past year I feel like I have come to a place where I feel truly happy and fulfilled. This place now, this is where I have always wanted to be. At the end of any day that is the meaning of all of this. It is all any of us ever want, pure happiness.