Do Opposites Really Attract?

We have all heard the expression before that "Opposites Attract".  Are relationships apt to last longer if two people have similar interests, beliefs, and ideas? Or do two people who are very different help to balance one another out? Is there proof that two different personalities can demonstrate the yin yang philosophy? When it comes to relationships and how they survive, many of us know it takes more than that immediate fire to keep it alive. People have an opinion on everything and I will be the last person to hand out any kind of relationship advice. I believe that any relationship can work if you are willing to put the work into it. Be it your partner, family member, friend or your exercise routine; each of these relationships require commitment, dedication, honesty, loyalty and sacrifice.

I recently read a post written by a woman who had run for years. She married a man who did not run. As the years went on her relationship with running grew as her marriage deteriorated. He didn't share the same interests she did. He didn't get running the way she did. She found comfort from another man who did share in this love for running as she did. She ended having an affair which resulted in her and her husband divorcing. Her relationship with this other man fell apart. In the end she was simply left with running. An integral part of her life yet she learned a valuable lesson on relationships in the process and had regrets. She wrote: "My warning is this: Sometimes it doesn't matter if you run and your partner doesn't."

My husband, Jason, is not a runner. He does not aspire to eat clean and surely isn't going to be doing an Iron Man competition any time soon. He is the one who is married to a runner. He married a woman who is committed to her relationship with the road and her body. There will most likely never be a time we decide to go out for a run together. My husband is a carpenter and his job keeps him active all day. When he comes home the last thing he wants to do is any kind of exercise. In all honesty, the last thing I want him doing is running with me. 

After my 6th Half Marathon in 2015

If you frequent my blog you know how passionate I am about the sport. You also know that running is spiritual for me. It goes beyond being fit, though that too is something important to me. When my husband gets home from work I usually greet him with a kiss, ask him how his day was, then I am ready to "run" out the door. I am already dressed in my running gear, desperate to escape the depths of my house which is filled with the shrieks of two toddler boys. Once I am out on my run I feel a sense of release and am able to take that time for myself. 

My runs are something I need to do alone. I have been invited on group runs and asked by friends to run with them. It is just not for me. I need that time to get in my own head and sort out the cobwebs. I need to be able to connect with myself and focus on the run. Sometimes I get out there and simply enjoy the run while other times I am working on speed and beating a PR. To run with others would only cause me distraction and take away from that time alone that I need as a mother, wife, friend and partner. 

My husband may not be a runner but by no means will that destroy us. He is supportive of my love for the sport. He makes sure I am able to get out there for my training. He asks me how my runs are and is genuinely interested. Then at the finish line of most of my races he is there with our children waiting for me and cheering me on. He knows to see our sons at the end of a race is exactly what I need and that those last few miles I run, I run faster to get to them. 

He is messy, I am obsessively clean. He likes to collect "shit", I enjoy organizing and throwing things out. He is quiet, I am loud. He eats whatever he wants, I choose healthier foods. He forgets things, I remember everything. He is conservative, I am definitely liberal. He does not run, I am a runner! 

I am not sure if I can say this proves the theory that opposites attract. What I can say is that in my own relationship, we are very different. At the end of the day we balance one another out and know how to laugh with one another. My husband doesn't have to throw on a pair of running shoes to win my heart. At the end of the day it is about supporting one another, growing together, sharing this wonderful life and loving one another no matter how different or alike we are. It's also about forgiveness...when I order another pair of running shoes!  

  

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Make It A Way Of Life, Not A Diet

We are a product of how we live, what we do, who we surround ourselves with and what we eat! Last week I told you about how after my first son was born I decided I needed to make some changes to the way I lived my life. Learning how to eat properly and exercise was something I had to self teach in order to make changes. I wanted to become a healthier person. I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of doing this and set an example for my children in the process. It took time and patience for me to get where I am today. Am I where I want to be? No friends, it is always a work in progress.

I started with using Myfitnesspal years back as a tool to help me figure out what I was putting in my body versus what I needed to be putting in my body. I was neurotic about tracking every little thing I ate and drank. I logged each meal, snack and crumb that went into my mouth. It was exactly what I needed to stop and actually look at what I was putting into this body of mine. When you actually sit down and look at ingredients and the contents you can be surprised that sometimes what you think is healthy for you, is in no way healthy at all.

Once I fell into a rhythm it was no longer dieting, healthy habits became a way of life. This is where the focus shifts. I was able to stop tracking everything I ate because I had learned what my body needed, deserved and was asking for.  When you change the way you look at things it makes even the simplest things much easier. Once I got to a point where I wanted to maintain my weight the focus was staying healthy.

What works for me may not work for you. Each person is unique as is our activity level, body build, and nutritional needs. For me it became about learning how to balance. I still enjoy the foods I love just not in the way I use to. I love food! I could spend most of my day eating. Since we are being honest here I will tell you that I do eat a lot. From the time I get up to the time my head hits that pillow I am putting something in my mouth. I try to eat every two to three hours and I choose foods that fuel me. With being a runner and maintaining an active lifestyle my body needs to be replenished with foods that will give my body the energy it needs. When I am in "training mode" I tend to eat even more. My body needs those extra calories to perform properly. 

The focus of how I eat revolves a lot around my protein intake. Here are some benefits if eating a diet high in protein: 

* Makes you feel fuller longer
* It aids in skin, hair and muscle repair
* Increases energy
* Greater Muscle Development with strength training 
* May help in lower blood pressure
* Helps maintain better bone mass as we get older
* Protein can boost metabolism
* Helps to repair your body after injury
   
I start my day off with one egg cooked over easy on a Flatoutbread that has a light spread of goat cheese and topped with spinach. I like to put a slice of ham or bacon on it. I have been on this kick for awhile now. Granola or yogurt (sometimes both together) is another breakfast I enjoy. I love eggs though and could really eat them for every single meal. So eggs tend to be my first choice! I look forward to breakfast and go to bed thinking of it! Seriously, it is my favorite meal!

A few hours later after my morning workout I make my morning smoothie. I do this every single day! Some would think that one might get sick of smoothies every day yet there are so many different combinations you can make with superfood ingredients. I also include whey protein in my smoothies so it becomes the perfect post workout/run meal. 

Then I have lunch, snack, dinner and snack again! I wasn't lying when I said I eat a lot. It is thought that frequent meals may help to boost the metabolism. This method has worked for me for years and I plan to stick to it. Remember though, you have to make healthy snack and meal options for this to work.

Some of my favorite snacks include the following: yogurt, granola, protein bars, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, popcorn,  cucumbers, cottage cheese, and energy balls.

Dinner usually consists of some sort of seafood. I love seafood! I eat lots of salmon and mussels have been on my grocery list lately. Not everyone in the house feels the same way I do about fish so I also get my protein from chicken, chicken sausage and ground turkey. 

Fruits and veggies I eat throughout the day. Every meal has a veggie and snacking on fruit is something I do as well as encourage my children to make a healthy snack choice with a fruit. How I eat becomes an example for my children. It is important for them to know how to make healthy choices and feel empowered that the choice was theirs.

Now, does this mean I don't ever eat things that are "bad" or that I don't "indulge" from time to time? Let me tell you, I indulge! Friday night we always order out and I look forward to this. I enjoy chocolate and love desserts, cupcakes and cake. This mama also loves beer! (and Whiskey and wine) It is all that balance I mentioned earlier. I would say I have a 80/20 ratio when it comes to clean eating. I don't feel guilty about eating something that would not be in my daily menu. I deserve to indulge! 

None of this is hard. Healthy eating has become the best habit (after running) that I have developed over the past few years. I am committed to becoming a better me. Just as exercise is important, so is what you put into your body. Make smart choices, eat clean and enjoy the occasional cupcake or beer. As many things in life, you just have to figure out a balance.



Disclaimer: I am not a nutritionist. All opinions are my own. Consult your doctor or registered dietitian if you have concerns regarding your diet. 


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Fire And Ice

It amazes me how fast life changes. You blink and it is like you were dreaming what happened a year before. Last year at this time I was laboring with Wesley. I had gone in that morning when contractions were on top of one another only to be sent home since my body was not making progress. Soon there after contractions slowed down and I labored well into the next day. The evening of September 18th at six forty five, under a pink and red sunset sky, Wesley Holden finally made his arrival. He came like a roller coaster that derailed, yet he was here and life as we knew it would never be the same.

Brand New Baby Wesley

My life is better because of him. He is an amazing child. He has always given me this overwhelming joy that resides in my heart and soul. Isn't is astounding that children can light a fire in us that we never knew existed?! Both Wesley and Chase have given me more than I could have ever hoped for. More than I ever thought possible. The love of a child is truly magical.

What also amazes me is how different both my boys are. Chase from the beginning was a fire cracker. He was an active baby in me and the moment he entered this world there was no doubt this child was going to light up the world around him. Wesley arrived with a contentment about him. He exuded love. His eyes looked into mine as if to say everything was now perfect. Wesley has a smile that stays with you and reminds you that life is beautiful. Chase likes to shake things up while Wesley goes with it and is the content one. My boys are like fire and ice.

The differences in them balance me as I hope they will balance one another. I see pieces of myself and Jason in both of them. I see pieces of Chase in Wesley. Small ones, little fragments that compliment him. Each child is a magnificent creation and for this my heart swells with love.

What I have been taught

In just over a couple of weeks it seems mind boggling to me that I will be celebrating my babies FIRST BIRTHday. Seriously, can someone please pinch me now?! I can honestly say the past year has flown by. It saddens me that he will be turning into a "toddler" soon. I assure you though that the title "Baby Wesley", as we call him at home, will most likely follow him for years to come.

Over the past year there have been many changes and discoveries. This Blog is called "Discovering Me In Them" for a reason. I went from being a full time mom who also worked full time to being a SAHM working part time. I thought I would reflect on some of the things I have learned about myself in the past year and what this year has taught me.

* When they tell you it is the hardest job you will ever have they are not kidding! I heard it several times and it is not that I didn't believe them, I just didn't completely understand it until now. Some days are down right exhausting and I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions. Others are filled with play and laughter. This job is unpredictable and challenging. It is without a doubt the hardest job I have ever had. On the other side of it I have never had a job give back so much in return. I can't imagine one moment without these little creatures not at my feet or pulling at me with those dirty, sticky little hands.

* I always thought I was a patient person until...wait...can you guess?  Until I had kids! I thought I could be softer and much more patient than I am some days. This actually disappoints me, kind of even hurts some days. I have to practice patience daily. There are days I manage to succeed while other days I fail miserably. This is one of those lessons that they are teaching me.

* Forgiveness. I do this daily. I have come to terms that there will be many fails as a parent. I have found that the longer I dwell on the mistakes I make the harder it is to let go and move on. Parenting is learning as you go. You have to forgive yourself in order to move forward. I tend to be my biggest critic. Each day I vow to try harder than the next. I am bound to figure it out and get it right sooner or later right?!

* Working part time and staying home has taught me balance. It wasn't easy in the first few months. I had to try find where work fit into my life after making the decision to stay home with my boys. Working from home some days is not a luxury as some people may think. Have you ever tried to make a phone call with kids around? It always seems like a good idea to do a little work when they are playing or napping. Then it happens, you pick up the phone and suddenly all hell breaks loose! There are days which I have to leave for work and being that I am with them most of the time I still struggle to feel okay with working and being away from them. There are days I wonder if it will ever feel okay. Will I adapt as they seem to do? It is a balance that I am working on still a year later but happy to say I am getting better at.

* I have been taught that these moments with my children are priceless. I may not know what a lunch break is, how to take a piss by myself, or always shower without worrying if one of the kids will be dead when I get out, but that is all okay! The past year has flown by. Shit, the past 4 years have flown by! I am happy and blessed for each and every single moment. I would not change where I am right now because for me this is exactly how it is suppose to be for me.

* The past year has taught me to be gracious for everything. Even the smallest of things. I appreciate what I have and though I have to admit there are days I would love a big house, a new car, or maybe even a new wardrobe (oh and bra's! Seriously, I don't even know the last time I bought a nice bra), that all those things are only material items. It is the people who I am surrounded with that make life incredible.

I am sure if I had more time (Time? What is that?) I may have been able to come up with 10 or maybe even 15 things to write about. I wonder if in another year I will look back on this list and find that life has gotten less crazy. Maybe I will have adapted more. Or maybe in a year this list will still be the same. Really, it doesn't matter. I feel I am right where I was meant to be. This past year I feel like I have come to a place where I feel truly happy and fulfilled. This place now, this is where I have always wanted to be. At the end of any day that is the meaning of all of this. It is all any of us ever want, pure happiness.

My New Title

I am a SAHM. I haven't always been though. I worked for the first 2  1/2 years of Chase's life. I  can say that I know what it is like to be a full time working mom and now being a full time SAHM. There are differences for sure.

Chase was 10 1/2 weeks when he first went to daycare. Not even three months old. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, leaving my child with another person to care for him. I cried for weeks after I would leave him. My rides to work seemed so long and my heart felt as though it shattered. Dramatic a bit? No, this is truly how I felt. For me I had always envisioned staying home with my children. My mom stayed home with us until I was a freshman in high school. I wanted the same for my own family. Here I was, dropping off my first son off to daycare. I was fortunate to have chosen a daycare provider that was wonderful and and he was surely in the best hands. But he is my son, and I felt it was my job to be there with him. I adjusted though and got back into work. I loved what I did and that helped make the days go by faster.

 

Chase ~ 3 Months

Working and being a mom was definitely hard balance. It's hard to be 100 % into any other aspect of life when you have children. It is also hard not to feel some level of guilt as well. It was always rushing to pick him up so I could spend every second with him until we started bedtime routine. There was also house work and dinner to be done. I could not wait for my weekends, as my weekdays it often felt I just wanted it to be bedtime so we could start all over again and get to the next day. Each one bringing me closer to the weekend.

When we decided to have another baby we sat down and discussed work vs me staying home. I knew this time around I needed to be home. I didn't want to miss any more moments. I wanted to be there to watch my children and care for them. Financially it didn't make sense to put two children in daycare. I couldn't grasp that most of what I would be making would go to someone else watching my children every day, no matter how wonderful they were.  So after working since I was 16, and having been in the field I was in for almost 14 years, I started a new job. I became a SAHM.

Now let me tell you, I have girlfriends who are SAHM's that have always said it is the hardest job you will ever have. Yes, they are telling the truth! It becomes a different kind of balance. Believe it or not you still struggle to find time to clean, cook, and take a shower! Some days a shower is a luxury. Taking a shower alone, that's a whole other kind of paradise. Alone time, never! As many times as one may try to even sneak on line for a Facebook peak or check email there is a child who needs something. (BTW, it can take more than one time sitting down to write a blog entry). I also have two children who have completely different needs. I also struggle to feel like some days I don't do enough. Other days I feel accomplished.

It is rewarding for me to stay home. I am happy in this job. Hard, absolutely! Some days are down right exhausting.  As a family we sacrifice to have me stay home. It's not that we are "lucky we can". I don't like hearing that because for us it is that we are lucky because we have made it happen. My bank account is empty these days. I don't ever buy anything for myself. I choose this though, it is my job. My pay is priceless. I get to see my children every day. I get it all, the good and the bad. This also won't last forever. I will go back to work full time someday. I will not regret this time. These are the days I will never get back.

I know how hard both jobs are. There is no comparison. Not one is more difficult than the other. Every woman does what it best for her family and her. I respect that. I have walked in both shoes. Each one has it's list of pro's & con's. Each one challenges you and makes you a stronger, incredible, and amazing MOM!!

Someone thinks he is pretty cool

This is Wes just awake from a nap

 

Balancing Act

I was never worried that my heart would not have enough love for both my boys. I knew that I had so much to give both my children. When I was pregnant with Wesley I made sure I told Chase how much I loved him and how special he was. I wanted him to know that even though there was a new baby coming that there was a special bond between us that would always remain. I wanted him to hear it. Of coarse being 2 1/2 at that time he didn't know what I was saying. He will never remember those words I whispered to him at night. He will not know how I go into his room even now, after he is asleep, to tuck him in one last time and kiss him.

Now that Wesley is here what I do find myself worrying about is the time and attention that I give to both of them. I do my best to spend time with Chase and Wesley. Some days that doesn't equal out though. I hate the moments I have to tell Chase no or that he has to wait. Of coarse these are important things for him to learn. I know this. Yet it use to be just him and I. He never had to compete for my attention. We did things together, just the two of us. Walking and hiking in the woods is one of my favorite things we would do.

My First Mothers Day~ Hiking with Chase (Just under 4 months old)

I also find myself getting frustrated and upset at some of these moments when he is vying for my attention and I end up putting Wesley down or ending a nursing session because Chase is having another melt down that only mommy can stop. Those moments I sometimes think how unfair it is to Wesley. He will never get those moments that I had with Chase when there was only one child.

It is indeed a balancing act. Some days I feel unsteady on my feet. Overwhelmed. Dis-shuffled.

Then there are those moments that I get to watch them interact. It fills my heart with such love. It is amazing to me to sit back and watch. To listen to the sounds of laughter that they create with one another. Those are the moments that help me. They keep me grounded.

I am thankful for my children. Grateful to have this life to share with these little people. Just like every parent, I want to get it right!

I want my boys to grow up and know that they were insanely loved, no matter how rough of a day we had! I want them to love one another. To practice being kind to one another, especially 20 years from now.

So today I take a deep breathe and continue on with this balancing act. I will remind myself that I am only one person. I will tell myself that my heart will love them in ways that can never be measured. And at the end of any day, that is what will count.