The Haunting Cries Of Night Terrors

There is something haunting about hearing your child cry out your name in the middle of the night. The sound of his voice pleads desperation and panic. You rush to his side as he is screaming "Mommy". You sit down and hold his hands telling him you are there. You are trying your best to be calm for him, to soothe him and calm him. He doesn't hear you though. His eyes are filled with fear and he is looking all around while flailing his hands. You have never felt more invisible than you do at this very moment.

At least once a week lately my four year old son, Chase, will wake up having a nightmare. Or as they refer to it today, a "Night Terror".  These moments send chills up and down my body. I have gone to his side to be overcome with this overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I have been brought to tears as I have grabbed him out of bed to try to hold him as close as possible hoping that I could hug the moment away. I vividly hold a memory in my head of one of these moments three weeks ago where I just held him, crying with him. He didn't know I was crying, most likely he didn't know I was even holding him while he was yelling and flailing. He does not have any memory of it in the morning nor does he worry about going to sleep for fear that he will have another night terror. The only person who seems to have that fear is me.

This past weekend Chase had a nightmare and woke up delirious while screaming my name. Once in the room and realizing that once again he had no idea I was there, he went on to say his brothers name. He kept saying (yelling) Wesley over and over. I finally asked him if he wanted to go see Wesley and he said Yes. I scooped him lout of his bed and went into our room where Wesley was asleep in the toddler bed. Chase was still in hysterics until I placed him next to his brother and suddenly he was quiet. He cuddled right in close, the tears and yelling stopped, and he fell back to sleep. Looking down on him and his brother it was as though they had been sleeping like this for hours. Spooning one another and wrapped in the comfort of one the others skin. 

I know that children having night terrors is normal. I am aware that it is common for this age. I do realize that my son will be okay. Yet there is something blood-curdling about your child not knowing you are there when you are sitting directly in front of them. There is something heart wrenching about hearing your child's voice in decibels that send goose bumps up and down your spine. The worst part, is that there is not a damn thing you can do to make it stop.

There are certain websites and health affiliates that give "suggestions" on how to help prevent night terrors. Reality is that in most cases there is nothing that can be done. Most children out grow them by the time they are teenagers. That may seem like an eternity to those of us who have children that are experiencing these.

I have read a few articles that say waking your child 15 minutes prior to an episode, get them out of bed for 5 minutes (or until fully awake) then put them back to bed could help with breaking the pattern if repeated for several days. I choose not to do this since it is weekly and not nightly. I feel this would cause disrupt for him and be unproductive in my house.

So what do I do? I will continue to go to him to help him through these moments. I will do my best to be as calm as I can be. I am thankful that this is not a nightly occurrence for us as it is for many parents. The once a week episode is enough to hurt my heart. It's these moments that we don't sign up for when we become parents. One day this will all be a blurry memory and it will be some other wearisome thing that will keep me up at night. It's just a phase, a small part of our world, a road bump along the way to teach us and make us stronger. Someday this will all just be a memory and the haunting cries will seem like eternities ago; fragments of time like shattered glass.



Other Posts From Discovering Me In Them:

The "Fine Line" Between Help And Push

Being A Stay At Home "Mom-Ster"

Being The Other Woman

I Am Not a Superhero

Being a SAHM and working part-time doesn’t allow much time to myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining about this. I love being with my children. Even on the days that are not so graceful. (There are plenty of those around here!) This is what I have always wanted, to be home with my children and watch them grow.

I do enjoy some alone time though. It’s important and absolutely essential to any mother. This is where I run. Some runs are long, others are just to help maintain my sanity. Then it begins. As I run, I think up all those crazy thoughts that you had no idea you could even think up. I am a pretty optimistic person. I am not one who carries a lot of anxiety. Yet when I separate myself from my children my head becomes this place filled with chaos.

I typically use my thinking time when I am running for constructive things. I think about the day – how things have gone, and how can I make them better. I think about what I want for myself, for my family, and I wonder where life will take us. I use this time to reflect on mistakes I have made. Parenting fails and bumps in the road I may have hit along the way. It’s my time to release, heal and aspire for more.

Then it happens – I hear sirens. I see a cop car. A fire truck goes by with all of its flashing lights. I suddenly lose all rationality.

I begin to wonder if something has happened at the house…

Did one of the kids get hurt? Did my oldest run outside and get hit by a car? Is there a fire? Did the baby fall and get hurt? Did one of the kids break something?

These are just some of the ridiculous things that go through my head. Others are just too embarrassing to share.

Truth be told, I get a little nervous not being around my kids. Okay, so more than a little. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is going to happen to them if I am not there. I trust my partner; it has nothing to do with him. I trust my folks, who are the only other people I leave my kids with. So what is wrong with me?!

It’s simple – I am a mother. These are my children who grew inside me and I want to always protect them. I know very well that they could be with me and break a bone or fall off the couch just as easily as if they were with their father. I am not a superhero who can protect my children from all the bad things I fear. I just want to be there for them, ease any pain, and try my best to let them know I will do whatever it takes to keep them safe.

Can I shut my mind off? Will this get easier? Probably not. I am sure there will be countless more runs filled with crazy thoughts and unrealistic scenarios. I don’t have a cape hanging in my closet. There will be different ages and stages to challenge me. I just have to remember to breathe, be thankful, and never take a moment for granted.



What do you do for "ME" time away from your children? Are you able to be in the moment or do you struggle with "crazy" thoughts too?  


Other Posts From DISCOVERING ME IN THEM:

What I Fear The Most 
The Day I Hurt My Sons Feelings

 

 

5 Things I Do Before A Race

It is Race day! You sign up months prior to this day...Or maybe you just decided on a whim that you wanted to do this race. The time has come and now you are crossing the days off the calender and counting down to your race. There are ways to be sure that your body and mind are ready. This may be different for every runner. Toady I share with you how I prepare for my races.

1- Stay Hydrated: I typically drink a lot of water without needing any push to do so. The week of a race it is important to be sure you have a sufficient water intake. Water helps to maintain fluid balance, keep you hydrated and aid in muscle recovery. Water acts as a lubricant and cushion for your joints; as a runner this is vital. Here's another fun fact for you: Since your brain is mostly water, drinking it helps you focus, think and concentrate better and be more alert. Because of this your energy levels are also boosted!

2- Food For Fuel: The week before a race I am more careful than usual in what I choose to put in my body. I also try to increase my carbohydrates. It is not just the night before pasta dinner that fuels your run but the carbs you load your body with in the week to days prior to your long run. You need to build your carb supply to store for energy.  As noted by RunnersConnect : "The greater the amount of stored muscle glycogen, the greater the endurance potential of the body."

3- Staying Sober: You might think this one is obvious but I have known other runners who like to have a few beers on the weekend. Okay, so truth be told is that I like to have a few drinks on the weekend. I tend to stay clear of alcohol all week and when the weekend comes around I enjoy a drink or five two. The night before a big race I stay sober. I may allow myself one drink yet I limit what goes in my body. Let's go back to hydration shall we. Alcohol, as we all know, does the opposite of hydrate us. When I run in a race I want to have a clear head, feel strong, and be able to focus on what my goal is for that day. As much as I like a good buzz, I also love a new PR.

4- Shower: Some may think this is silly since you are going to be sweating and need to shower afterwards. Showering after a race is also good for your body and muscles to aid in recovery. Some even like an ice bath. (Me, I would rather have the hot water on me!) When I get up on a race morning it is typically early. I take this time to wake up and have some quiet time. First things first, I need to wake up. I want to feel revitalized and ready for my run. I start the coffee, jump in the shower and then I can have breakfast.

5- Breakfast: Now we are at the most important part: Fueling your body before a race. Breakfast is important to give me the necessary energy I need to start my race. I never go on a run before having breakfast or a snack. I might have granola and fruit, oatmeal, or eggs and wheat toast. Along with it I drink my protein mixed with coconut milk. Remember, you want to give your body nutrients that will fuel you. You want your body to be primed and ready for the challenge ahead of you. Eat one to three hours before your race and be sure to fuel during your long run.

There you have it my friends, this is how  I prepare for my races. Don't forget to stretch before and after you run!!

Just two more things I want to add:

"Always Believe You Can"
              And
     Happy Running


Do you have a routine before you races? Is there something that you always eat? 


Related Posts:

Stronger With Every Mile

How I Learned To Love My Body 

The "Fine Line" Between Help And Push

We had just reached the top of the trail that we had been hiking. It was just under a mile up hill. My son,Chase, practically sprinted to the top. The minute this kid walked he wanted to run; he has always been steady on his feet. We have hiked this trail several times. I remember wearing him for the first couple of years in these same woods. Around two and a half he declared he didn't want to be worn anymore and wanted to do it on his own. Fair enough, I was pregnant with my second son and there was no reason he couldn't try to maneuver himself around these woods with my help. Here we were about to descend down on the trail, when he asked for my hand and said: "Mama help me".

I took hold of his tiny hand in mine savoring the moment. It is not often he asks for help on these hikes. If I offer my hand he usually shrugs it away or says: "I got it". He is independent, stubborn, and every bit of me. I look down at him and smile. He has no idea how I am elated with love at this moment. He does not know my heart aches knowing that this is one of those moments which will be gone soon. The sweet young boy I first fell in love with four years ago will someday grow up.

I believe that teaching independence is important. I feel that it is vital to push your children to learn how to believe in themselves. To teach our children to be brave and make good choices on their own. I want him to be able to try things first before asking for help. I want him to be courageous and fierce.

I want him to learn that sometimes you fall down, get bruised up a bit, but you always get back up and try again.

I sometimes find myself struggling which way I want to guide him. I try not to be too quick to say: "Try" or better yet...to say "No".

There are also times when parenting that I have stood back and listened to him make a plea with his father for something I know he knows how to do. I will admit I have cringed in several of those and tried my best to stay away. Then there are other times that I have come forward and strategically suggested maybe Chase do whatever it is, on his own.

As we kept walking that day and I looked down at our hands laced together, I vowed not to take my hand away from his. I prayed the moment would last just a bit longer. A promise I made to myself awhile ago was that no matter what I would always allow my children to be the ones to pull away. He has to be the first one to unfold from a hug, pull back from a kiss, and to let go of my hand. I want him to know that I am there for him. I am there to hold him, to love him, to guide him, and to always help him. I want my hands, my arms, and my love to always be felt as a safe place. I want him to know that with me he can always find home.

I do not want my children to ever be afraid to come to me and ask for help. I want them to always be able to ask. My answer may not always be what they hope it to be, but I will be there to give them an answer. I will be there to nudge them in the right direction and support them in the choices they make. This is their story to write, I am just along for the ride to narrate it.



Other Posts By Discovering Me In Them:

Learning to Say "Yes" When I Really Want To Say "NO"!

My Son Is A Thief

What I Fear The Most

Stronger With Every Mile

I stood there waiting for the the race to start. I was surrounded by thousands of runners. The American Anthem was being sung. A man's voice echoed the words through speakers filling the air around us. I could feel the tears gather in my eyes the way they always do when I hear the anthem. It felt like an eternity waiting for the words START to begin the race. Butterfly's danced in my belly and the familiar feeling of excitement filled my body. My legs were eager to dance on the pavement. I was ready to run.

This was my fourth Half Marathon and exactly a year since I did my first Half. There is something special about this particular race. Even as a spectator in previous years I have loved being in Burlington for this day. The Vermont City Marathon fills the city with an energy unlike any other. Everyone comes together to cheer, support, and encourage. Strangers wait outside of their houses and generously hand out food and water. Children stand on the sidewalk yelling cheers and holding posters. Thousands of volunteers give their time to help pull this event together.

At the end of mile two I realized that I was at a 7:38 minute mile. I hear a man behind me talking with his friend and he says: "I wasn't planning on being at this pace this early." I wanted to turn around and agree with him, even give him a high five, but I just keep running. I knew what he meant as I too know that in order to push through strong, I didn't want to be at that fast of a pace this early on. I found myself unable to slow down. Adrenaline fueled me as I continued on. My legs felt strong and I was feeling euphoric.

I was running on the Burlington Beltline and all you could hear was the sound of feet hitting the pavement. This is the one stretch of the race where the road is not lined with spectators. I focused on my breath and pin pointed a woman that I could keep pace with.  I never did see what she looked like. All I know was that she had salt and pepper colored hair done in a braid and wore a multi colored hat to shield her from the sun. I stayed right with her until mile eight at which point I felt I was ready to push myself with only five miles left. That was the last I saw of the woman with the braid. I am thankful for her.

Mile ten soon crept up on me as I was pushing myself to stay around a 7:15 minute mile. Typically I run between a 8:00 to 8:30 minute mile on my normal runs. I knew that I was almost done and though I never intended to have this race be a new PR for me, somewhere around mile six or seven and I became committed to that goal. My previous PR was 1:42 for a Half Marathon. I knew this meant I needed to pound the pavement with I all I had. I had to focus and put my mind in a happy place. I was feeling good through most of my run. The cheers of the crowds enticing me to push myself. I wanted that new PR so bad.

Finally I came face to face with the last mile. It was HARD. A part of me wanted to just fall back a little, let the wind push me the rest of the way. My legs were tired, my breath was fast, and I was ready to be done. I continued on fast and gave it my all. It helped that I passed a group of people in the neighborhood and heard cheers for me from someone I know. Then the last upward hill I heard encouraging words and support from a fellow runner (An amazing one at that! She finished the entire marathon in 3:25!) telling me I was almost there. It was the push I needed. A voice, like a hand pushing me on, letting me know I needed to finish this strong.

I reached my team mate, my father, for the Half hand off and stopped my watch at 1:40. I had a new PR and as I watched my father begin his 13.1 miles I felt such accomplishment and pride. It didn't matter that I had done this four times already. What mattered was that I did it again. I ran with every ounce of who I am. I ran it with my father.

I love this sport. I have found out so much about myself in choosing to run. Each run I dig a little deeper, pray a little harder, and learn a little more. This has been a physical as well as emotional journey for me. My strength is not just on the outside, in those muscles that have developed from miles and hills my legs have covered...It comes from a much deeper and intimate place. It is where belief and faith collide to create this "accidental" love I have found in running.

I am truly grateful for my legs. I am grateful for the ability to move them in the way that I do. I have found a place where I belong. A place that makes sense to me. A place where I can worship and give thanks for everything I have. I become a healthier me, a better me, and a stronger me...with every mile that I take.


RELATED POSTS:

How I Learned To Love My Body

Ready...Set...Go! Time For Another Half Marathon!

Better Sleep Month: Creating and Keeping a Routine

May is better sleep month. Sleep...I am not sure what that is so don't ask me. I have not had a good night of sleep in over four years. These days it looks like sleep is not going to come for another sixteen at this point. That is if I get the youngest out by eighteen and quite frankly the way he is attached to me, it might be thirty at this point.

Despite my lack of sleep I do try to ensure that my children get a good nights sleep. It has not always been easy. Both of my children are not good sleepers. My four year old, Chase, started boycotting sleep the day I brought him home. The first two weeks of his life he decided that my chest was the best place to sleep. As he got older things did get easier. We still seemed to battle a few bedtime issues and it was apparent that routine and comfort were a vital part of getting him to sleep.

From the very beginning I would rub Chase's  back at bedtime. I distinctly remember him being around two months old when I started this. He would be laying in his co sleeper and I would rub his back. (He was one of those kids that despite what experts say about not letting babies sleep on their belly's, the only way he would sleep was on his belly!) I did this EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. As Chase began to talk and transition into a crib then toddler bed, he would request this. Now, at Four years old, we are still rubbing his back each night.

We also have the infamous blanket I recently wrote about in my post His Magic Blanket. This blanket has to be with him each night. We absolutely cannot not lose this blanket as it has been with him since he was born. If I peak in on him at night I may find it clasped in his hand, tucked close to his neck, and even have found it draped over his head.

When I first transitioned Chase to a room of his own I invested in a sound machine. We don't use anything fancy but it does the trick. The model we use is the Dex Sound Machine that we purchased on Amazon. I read several reviews before I purchased it. I was looking for a variety of sounds while not breaking my bank. There are several machines out there on the market to choose from. I love the selection of sounds to on this particular one. I have to admit though that we rarely change it and it stays on Ocean setting. I can even hear it from my room and have gotten accustomed to hearing it.

We always turn on a night light. When the sound machine gets turned on so does the light. Chase does not like the complete darkness. A trait he no undoubtedly received from me. I keep a nightlight on in our room as well. The light brings him comfort and if he does get out of bed he at least can see his surroundings and safely move around.

A couple months back we knew it was time to make the transition from toddler bed to "Big Boy" bed for Chase. We wanted Chase to have a part in picking his bed and be excited about his new sleeping space. It was decided that we would get bunk beds since some day Wesley will share a room with his brother. Chase was thrilled about this idea! I started looking at local furniture stores and then online. The search was feeling overwhelming for me. I wanted a nice bed for the boys yet I was faced with not wanting to spend a ridiculous amount of money.

There is a big variety of beds and what seems like an endless amount of places that sell them. The one site I really liked was Wayfair.com. Not only was there a great selection of children's beds but the prices we reasonable and I was able to read reviews before making a purchase. If you are looking for a bunk bed or loft bed they have something for everyone. We found the bed we wanted and Chase was thrilled. He was excited that first night to walk up the ladder of his new bed and sleep on that top bunk. His face lit up and he was giddy. Some nights he even sleeps on the bottom. The kid likes sleeping with his cat who you will find always on the bottom bunk curled up. Having him be excited about where he sleeps has helped to not only make bedtime routines easier, it also has made him stay in bed more and not and come to my room as frequently.

Children are creatures of habit. Creating an environment where your child feels safe, secure, and comforted creates better sleep. Every child is different and each situation is unique. What may work for one may not work for the next. We made the choice to co sleep with our youngest. We are in the process of training him to sleep in the toddler bed and this has not been easy. Wesley does not have a special blanket nor does rubbing his back work. He would rather be as close to me as possible and apparently I am not allowed to get out of bed without him sitting up and screaming.We will figure it out just as he will. Someday I will be standing in their doorway yelling at them to get up for school rather than pleading with them to get to sleep. Until then, please pour me another cup of coffee.


Do you have a special routine that you do with your children at bedtime?


Disclaimer: All content provided by Discovering Me In Them blog is for informational purposes only. All opinions shared regarding products or websites are mine.

Teaching Children Healthy Habits

One of the things that is important to me is to be a positive example for my children. I do my best to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Having children has given me the drive I needed to push myself to limits I was not aware that I could reach. Now it is my job to be sure I teach my children these healthy habits. Here are a few ways in which I try teach me children healthy habits.

Eating Nourishing Foods: I do my best to eat healthy 80% of the time. I am a firm believer in "cheat days". Some health experts say that having "cheat" days may cause a person to go off track and make unhealthy choices. This is not true for me. I am more driven to eat clean and healthy all week long and when the weekend rolls around I allow myself to indulge.  I make my children follow this as best as I can. They are toddlers so yes, some days throwing them Goldfish or Crackers is just easier. I try to offer things like strawberries, banana's, yogurt or granola. What they don't get are chips, candy, cookies or chocolate. My four year old, Chase, may ask for them yet I tell him these are things we can have on the weekend. Or in their case, when they go to see their grandparents.

Gardening with the kids: Right now we are in the middle of gardening. We have a couple box gardens set up and we are attempting to grow some of our own veggies.I made sure that Chase was a part of this process. He of coarse is drawn to dirt (it is in his DNA being a boy) and planting was something we did as a rainy day project about a months ago. We have finally moved most of our little crop outside and Chase helps to water these plants and is excited to watch them grow. He was thrilled last year when he was able to start picking things from our garden to eat. It is easier to get your children to eat those veggies if they helped to grow them.

Preparing Meals: As I was writing this I stopped and asked Chase what healthy meant to him. You could tell he was really thinking about this. These were a few of the things he came up with: "Strawberries, banana's, granola bar, yogurt and making meatballs". He associates health with food and I love this. Food is a key part of being healthy. He is learning that what we put into our bodies is important. I love that the last thing he thought of was "making meatballs". Chase loves to help me in the kitchen. I try to involve him in preparing meals as much as I can. Once a week we use turkey burger to make burgers or meatballs. He just loves getting his hands into whatever it is I am making. He is always requesting to help me. I feel it is important, even annoying as it may be some days, to let him help prepare meals. The kid is pretty good at cracking an egg too!

Staying Active: Chase has come accustomed to the routine that mommy needs to go for her runs. A couple nights a week when daddy comes home mommy is out the door like a bolt of lightning. Just recently Chase and I have started going for a run/walk together. We live on a hill and it is a half mile down and a half mile back up. It has been a nice way to spend time one on one with him while getting him to be active. He thinks this is great and gets excited about doing something alone with mommy. That is the key with getting a child to be active: you need to make it fun. If I suggest a walk I may say we are going to go see the cows or go on an adventure in the woods. Be imaginative! Maybe you are going on a special "mission" or looking for rocks and leaves to do art projects with. The bottom line is to make them move and learn to enjoy being outside. No child wants to be forced into something so if you make it exciting they will want to do it.

Being the example: Each of the above I mentioned takes a parent to model these behaviors. We are our children's most important mentor. It is our job to give them the tools they need to be healthy. It has to start first with us. We need to be the ones to show our children that it is important to take care of our bodies inside and out. If they see us practicing healthy habits they will hopefully want to model that behavior.

Many things we do in life require teamwork. We all rely on others to help us at different times, in different ways. Our children need us to teach them. We need to guide them to live the best life they can. It is us, as parents, who need to work with our children to create the happiness and health we desire for them. Together you may find you are building much more than healthy kids; you may just find you have created some new memories.


Thank You for stopping by!