Friday, August 29, 2014

Wished, Hoped & Prayed

Have you ever wanted to smack someone? Maybe even punch them in the face? How about body slam them? Yeah, well I sure have! It's a good thing I have some self restraint in me or else there would have probably been a simple assault on my record by now.

See, if you didn't know me before I had children I was a bit "wild" I guess you could say. I liked to party, I was/am loud, I took chances and enjoyed my life. Some people may have thought I was being a bit outrageous. Maybe that is putting it lightly. I liked to drink, smoke, go to the bars, hang out with my friends, go see shows, and I liked the boys too.

My GF Jen & I at a Halloween party in July! Pre-Baby for both of us. We may have had a "few."

There have been a couple  times since I have had children that I have gotten the response : "Who would have thought?!"

I smile and chuckle at this with those people who comment. It is easier to do that than what I really would like to do. See, here is the thing: Who I was before children does not explain who I am! When you say that to me are you trying to offend me? Do you realize what you are saying? There are several things that I have done in my past that I regret. Then there are several which have made me who I am today. The good, the bad, and the utterly ugly. All of it! I don't regret one single moment. Would I have done some things differently? Maybe. Do I wish I could turn back time? Never. Each decision, every person, and all those moments helped to create me. They don't define me.

To answer the question "Who would have thought?!" : I thought it! I wished it, hoped for it, prayed for it, and tried for it! I wanted a family, a partner, and children. I always have. In those moments where it was not happening were not always the happiest moments for me. It may have taken me longer to get here than planned, but I have arrived.

Maybe those people who say such things are not trying to intentionally hurt me. And normally I am a "I don't give a fuck what you think" kind of person. I do have a rather sensitive side and for some reason things like this creep to the center of that. 

I am not a judgmental person. I believe everyone deserves a second chance. We never know what is really going on within someone. Everyone has skeletons, they are theirs, not yours.

Life is very different for me now. I may be 36 but I am still growing up. I learn more about myself everyday. Each day is a gift to me. A stepping stone in my personal journey. I am grateful for it all. For my family and my friends who have stood by my side throughout all my changes. And for the lessons it all has taught me.


  1. I'm so proud (but not surprised) of the mama you've become. Hugs!

  2. The best part of that picture is your nails! I totally forgot we used to have the time and money to have our nails done!
    I couldn't agree more. It's like saying who we were in high school is who we are today. People evolve, people!
    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3