Sunday, February 15, 2015

5 Reasons Why Going to the Gynecologist is like Dating

I just got that damn postcard in the mail a week ago. Now that I think about it, it is more like weeks ago! Yeah, I believe it is in the pile of mail I have sitting on my drying machine. I haven't completely forgot about it. I know I have to pull that sucker out and dial the damn number and make the appointment. It's that time a year again: Annual Pap Smear time! Yahooo!!

I started thinking why do women dread these appointments? Is it because we are forced to lay on our backs with our feet in stir ups while our legs feel like they are being forced to stay open with a vice grip?!

Going to the Gynecologist (let's go with Gyno for short) is similar to getting ready for a date. Maybe it's the first date, the seventh date, or maybe you have been married for years. Here are the Five reasons I came up with that compares why going to the Gyno, is like getting ready for a date.

1-  Committing to a date: Life is busy. There is work, friends, events, children, etc. Every woman at any stage in her life is busy these days. Finding the time to actually commit to a particular date is a challenge within itself. I know that if I am making an appointment with my Gyno I need to be sure that I am not working and someone can watch the kids. Same thing if I am going on a date (what is that??) with my man. Let's be real ladies; even going out on a date can seem like a hassle rather than something that we really want to do. I have fifty other things that not only should I be doing, but that I want to be doing. Going to the Gyno is not at the top of my list!

2- Anxious Nerves: So you finally broke down and set the date. Now you have to actually go! Just like setting that date with your man (or woman!) you start to get nervous. Similar to a first or blind date, you have a nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. The very thought of going to this appointment makes you want to vomit. You remember a date like that right?  Your stomach starts doing somersaults and suddenly you are wondering why the hell you decided to do this. Is it too late to cancel? What if I just don't show up? You have a conscious though and you know, just like standing up a date would be cruel, missing your appointment without a phone call would be frowned upon as well. Unlike a date, your doctors office might even charge you for a "no show". Best to just keep it now that you made the commitment! 


3- The Prep Work: You have a couple hours before the appointment and now it is time to get ready. Pluck your eyebrows. Make sure that one pesky chin hair you have is pulled out. Then not only are you going to shower for this joyous occasion, but you are even going to shave your legs! If you get real daring you might even trim up those lady parts too so it doesn't look like you are growing a beard for the start of the Red Sox Season. If I am going to the Gyno or getting ready for  a date, it is more than likely I am going to go through these motions. It is the kind thing to do!

4- Sweet Talk aka Conversation: Here's the thing, as awkward as it is to lay there on my back I feel that having a conversation helps to pass the time. If she/he is down there all up in your "stuff" I figure you should get to know one another right? There is nothing like that awkward silence on a date. You know what I am talking about, the kind where you can hear the other one chew their food as you are sitting there wondering why the hell you decided to come. Maybe it is a comfortable silence, the kind after being together for years and no words are actually needed... But what if it is like that uncomfortable first date? Then what do you talk about?! The weather? Ask her/him about themselves? Bring up sports, what is their favorite team? Or what about all that snow Boston just got? Yeah, I think I will go with that!

5- The Goodbye Kiss: So you have made it through the appointment. Thank God that shit is over! Luckily she/he leaves the room so you can quickly throw on your clothes. (Don't you wish you could ask your date to leave the room so you can get dressed before you talk again?!) Anyway she/he comes back in. You "talk" about "things" and now it is time to rush out the door say goodbye. Do you say "Thank You", shake hands (they were wearing gloves) or in some instances maybe a hug is in order. I am certainly not going to kiss my Gyno goodbye...though after what she/he just did I would say some kind of reward is deserved for both of us!


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12 comments:

  1. I can totally relate ... I have been putting mine off for weeks :)

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    1. :) See! Exactly...who wants to go through all the trouble!

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  2. I saw the title and immediately started laughing - it's all so true!

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    1. Good! I am glad I could make you laugh today!

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  3. I hate these appointments and you are right but I have never looked at it that way before. It IS like preparing for a date. UGH! I better make the appointment. Thanks for the funny!

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    1. Yes!! Glad I made you laugh. Just think of this post at your next visit...and try not to laugh out loud!!
      Happy Weekend!!

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  4. I hear you! One thing you forgot to mention, and it's probably at the top of my list - when you are about to make the call, you need to have the calendar handy so that you are aware of the optimal dates for this date! No sense booking an appointment and then having to reschedule because "Aunt Flo" is visiting! Now, some of you might know when to expect Aunt Flo, but for me and many others out there, that visit is unscheduled as much as it's unwanted. ;-)

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    1. Very good point Dawn! I forgot about that one. To be honest I haven't had Aunt Flo come back yet after my second child so this wasn't even a thought!
      Oh the joys of lady parts! :)

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