Thursday, April 24, 2014

Jumping Off A Cliff

We all have our fears. I have three that stand out for me:


Let's go in descending order shall we:

HEIGHTS: My stomach drops at the thought of being too high up. I always got that queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I would walk up bleachers when I was young. Even the awesomeness of a Ferris wheel makes me nervous. I was not a tree climber. You will never see me jump from a plane. This chick will never bungee jump off a bridge for the pure adrenaline rush. Nope, none of that sounds appealing to me. More like a death wish! (Refer to fear number one, we will visit that one shortly) 

SPIDERS: Anything that has more than four legs (I like most furry creatures) should be squished! I really hate spiders. Yes, hate is a strong word. But I do! I have a problem even killing them. I once saw a movie that when the spider was washed down a drain it multiplied. Of coarse this doesn't happen, but I still won't wash a spider down the drain yet yell for Jay to kill it. I have passed the same fear onto Chase. Just the other day we were playing in his room and he jumped off me going "Spider mommy, spider" In a frantic rush I practically threw Chase off  me to scurry across the room myself. But I couldn't see a spider. Chase was able to show me where it was. I shit you not, this Spider was the size of the head of a pin! I am sorry I passed on my fear of spiders but sure glad he didn't get my bad eye sight!

DEATH: This topic frightens me most. It always has. I think it is the fear of not knowing what comes after death. I do believe in God. I do believe we live on. I am just not sure what all that means and it terrifies me. If I think about it for too long it brings tears to my eyes and an unsettling feeling within me. I have lost people in my life who I have been close to. Death is not comforting to me. I realize it is a part of life. Unavoidable and inevitable. Now having children of my own I fear it even more. I just want to be able to watch them grow. To watch their children grow. I want to be able to bring them happiness and share in the joy of all that life brings us. I also fear the moments where my children will experience the sadness which comes with losing someone you love.  Yes, this is life yet I know how that pain feels and no mother wants their children to feel it. I want to be able to ease any sadness they feel, to have them know I will at least always do what I can in my mommy power to soften any pain.

They say to overcome fear you need to face it. I will tell you one thing I know for certain: I sure as hell am not going to be jumping off a cliff, with a spider on my back looking at the rocks underneath me!

1 comment:

  1. Fear is a bitch, huh? Death is a biggy for me too :( AND, I get the same exact feeling on bleachers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!