Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Maternal Itch

I just love the baby phase. My baby is 6 1/2 months now and I keep watching everything go by. I am fortunate to be able to spend this time with him. I know that this stage is short and soon I will be yelling asking him to get off the table and stop jumping on the couch. I love babies. Always have. If it were up to me I would have 10 or 20. Okay so really, not that big of an army but 3 or 4 would be nice. Instead I have two children whom I love dearly and wouldn't trade for anything (okay so maybe on some days you could convince me to trade my toddler for some shoes, a nice bag, maybe even chocolate, ! JK! Really, I will keep him!)

We are done having children. I still get people asking if we are going to have "one more" or try for the girl. Listen up people, no more babies! We have made sure of that. Well, not me personally but a Dr in Colchester made sure Jay would not be able to get me prego again. I had the babies, he got "fixed".

There is a part of me that felt a bit sad though to be honest. I am beyond lucky to have my boys. I love them to pieces. I knew Wesley would be our second and last. Yet just knowing that I am not going to have any more babies does sadden me some. I know I need to count my blessings since there are some people who never get to experience having children. I realize this and will never take that for granted. The maternal part of me can't help but think...if only I could have one more. But what about if there was "one more"...Would I still have this feeling? Would there always be a longing. Maybe it is just how I am wired. How many women are wired. It is that silly "maternal itch" within us. I get it, some of you may be reading this and saying, not every woman! Maybe you are are even saying HELL NO and cursing at the very thought of having another baby. I get that too. For me, I just freekin love babies!

It's not like pregnancy was kind to me both times. The first time around was pretty awful and I was sick and had weird medical complications. This second time was wonderful. I loved it. I really and truly did.

As I am writing this I look across the room at Wes who is in his swing and is just waking from a nap. He has this big smile on his face as soon as I say his name. It lights his whole face up, my heart, and the entire room.

I am trying to be sure I relish in all these moments. Soon they will just be memories. I know they say every stage is wonderful. I will probably feel this way when they are 10, wishing they were 4 or 5. It's about slowing time down. Something we cannot do.

I know I already said it, but I am fortunate. I don't want to take for granted the true miracle of being able to have children. I am blessed each day I wake up to those faces.


  1. There is something sad about the finality of things, even when it's our own decision!

  2. I struggle to say that we will never have another baby... eventhough it's true, it's just hard to say it out loud.

    PS What's the name of that doctor in Colchester? ;)