Candlelight & Ambiance

There was a time that any place I lived was filled with pretty things. At night time I would have candles lit. I would have candles all over my place. Who needs lights when you have candles. I loved the candlelight & ambiance my place had.

Now is a different time. I look around and see a high chair, walker, activity center, swing and toys. Toys that I am constantly picking up. Candles? One or two here or there that I like to light. But now there are little fingers and arms that can reach things. You know, all the things you don't want them to reach. You put something higher just to discover that these little people grow and can soon reach what you tried to have them not reach!

I am anxious to get rid of all the baby "stuff". Those big obnoxious things that just take up space.

Yet  this also means no more babies. *Big Sigh*

BUT it also means I may someday get to sleep. Right now Wes has had me up several times with his excessive nursing. It's tiring, frustrating...but not his fault. He has two big upper teeth making their entrance. I become his soother. Though sleep is not something I am getting these days I remind myself that this all goes by so fast.

Too fast.

I don't want to complain about it. It is my job. I am a mom.

Chase wasn't a good sleeper either. Matter of fact he didn't start sleeping well till he was 18 months. He still wakes frequently in the night. I wasn't blessed with children who slept for hours or through the night. So all you people who brag about it, SHUT UP!

So just like the candles that had to be put away, I have to put sleep on hold. It's only a matter of time when I will get to do it again. I won't get any of this time back. Before I know it I will be trying to wake them up to get them ready for school as their alarm clock goes off and they sleep through it.

 Who needs candlelight when you have the laughter and smiles of your children that light you up every day?!

The Ugly Truths About Vacation

I have a vacation hangover as we speak. Our mini vaca was awesome. I could go on and on and tell you about all the fun we had, memories that were made, and how I took a ridiculous amount of pictures which I have yet to go through. But I decided that I would talk about something else. Like how about those ugly truths about vacations. You know, the reasons which make a vacation once a year for a reason!

In no particular order here are my gripes about vacation:

1- The food & beer: How I indulged. That's what vacation is for right?! And so I did. I had a few several yummy Maine beers. I ate lots of food, had dessert, and bought fudge. Here's the thing though, once vacation is said and done all that beer & food lead to nothing but guilt overload. You come home feeling like you need to go buy a new wardrobe & need a cleanse.

2- Then there is the sunburn factor: I am fortunate that I tan pretty easily. I love the sun and I love the beach. Put a drink in my hand and give me a towel to lay on and I am one happy girl. But sometimes when you switch up bathing suits those areas that were once covered are now exposed to the sun. Lets just say I have some sore  and red areas, as I call them to my children, on my "Nonnies" (you can figure it out I am sure) So, when your son is nursing and decides to knead you like a kitten does with their little claws, well, the whole sun factor isn't so pleasant anymore.

3- The car ride: You know what I love more than anything? Screaming and crying babies! Yes, how that makes a car ride so pleasant... SAID NO MOTHER EVER!!!! Granted, I get the fact that it sucks to be restrained in a seat while your father plays country music and your brother sings Jake and the Never Land Pirates theme song over and over and over....But for the love of God don't you love me??!! Please next time sweet child take a 4 hour nap. I would if I could!

4- The vomiting child: The only good thing about the fact that I had to clean up my poor toddler as the truck is moving and the poor kid is crying, was the fact that the last thing he ate was a chocolate munchkin and it helped to mask the awful stench by adding a hint of chocolate. Nasty yes, but a true story. Then we pull over on the side of the road where the wind is blowing and I am bending over to strip my kid and the wind is blowing up my skirt so every car that drives by can see my ass. WTF! Like the last thing I can do at this point is care. My job is to wipe down my poor kid with 100 wipes (Thank God for those babies!)

5- Returning Home: When it is all said and done you get home and there is a sense of relief. Sure, it was an awesome time. But home is home. Yet all of a sudden there are piles. Piles of dishes, bags, food, and the worst part: Piles of laundry!! So I will spend the next couple of days washing clothes, blankets and towels with a smile on my face. Okay, fuck that, there will be no smile but I will be sure to get it done!

I am sure the list could go on...but my fridge is empty and now I get to go grocery shopping with two kids! Ahhh yes, vacation is officially over. Home Sweet Home!

"Mama, what is that"?

Chase and I went for a run the other night. Just him & I. When I was pregnant we got a new jogging stroller, Chase picked out the color, it's a bright blue. The other day we decided to go for a short run, just him & I. We don't get time to do things together like we use to before his baby brother came along. So off we went.

On the walk back up the hill to our house is a cemetery on the right. I have walked with Chase in this particular cemetery before. Chase this night asked what it was. I told him that it is called a cemetery. It is where people go after they die. Trying to give the simplest answer for his little mind.

Chase asks why? 

I cringe inside a little. We have not yet had this talk. Chase will be 3 1/2 next month. He is pretty bright. He knows what being dead is, loosely in his own mind at least.

Of coarse he asks why. He's 3. Now I have to try and explain this as G rated as possible, knowing he wants, needs, and deserves some sort of explanation.

I tell him that: Just like fishes die, bugs die, animals die, and so do people. A cemetery is a place that we bury them so we can come back and visit them whenever we want.

He didn't say anything, he got his explanation.

Later that night we were driving to a park and he pointed to a cemetery we were passing and said: "Mama look"!

I then said: Do you remember what that is? To which he shook his head yes.

Me: And what is in a cemetery. Chase's answer: "People".

It has begun, this thing they call parenting.

Teaching.

Guiding.

Holding our breathe while we do this. Hoping we are saying and doing all the right things.

It amazes me what a 3 year old mind can absorb. What a child clings on to and remembers. Our words are sacred to them. They hold on to things we say. Believe it or not, sometimes they actually listen.

Toes in The Sand

Growing up we took a family vacation every year. Once in awhile we would do something where we would have to travel a bit further (Pennsylvania, South Carolina, even Prince Edward Island). We never went anywhere we had to fly. The four of us would pile in my dad's Four Runner and we would be off to our destination. No, we never made it to Disney World. At 25, Whoops! I mean 35, I have never met Mickey Mouse.

As a family we did something even better in my book. We went camping every summer for a week. It was usually always the first week of July. We would go to Old Orchard Beach, Maine. We stayed at this place called Baileys Camp Resort. My parents had a pop up camper and we would get a site and this would become our home for the week. We went to the beach, LL Bean visits, visited lighthouses, and had marshmallows by the camp fire. 

I have very fond memories of vacationing with my folks. Even as we got to be teenagers it was still fun to go with my parents. We could safely roam the campground and make friends. It was always sad when the week came to an end.

I am thankful for those memories. I hold them dear to me.

Now it is my turn. Now it is up to me to hopefully create some of the same memories with my own family.

The first time we did our  family weekend it was in 2012. Chase was 17 months. I didn't intentionally pick Old Orchard Beach. Jason and I both love Maine so in deciding where to go for a family weekend it sounded perfect. Kid friendly, nice beaches, the boardwalk, and seafood! Jason had never been to Old Orchard Beach so it was his & Chase's first time.

Chase at OOB in 2012

We had a blast and this year will be our third year going. This time it will be Wesley's first time. We go this upcoming weekend and I am getting excited. I booked this 2 months ago and finally it is here. It will be nice to put aside work and ordinary life, to put our toes in the sand and enjoy one another.

It is time to create memories.

Lasting ones.

Happy ones.

The kind that when my sons are 35 they will be looking back smiling at what we created as a family. Then maybe just maybe, they will do it with their children.

His Evil Power

I had intended to go to the store by myself. I just needed a couple things and thought that it was a good opportunity to sneak out and roam the store get what I needed. In my house, as I am sure many of you can relate, it is almost impossible to leave my house alone. My kids are use to being with me and being dragged around everywhere. You would think my toddler would be happy to stay home and play, but no, it's the opposite. He begs to come with mama. I stood there in his room saying it would just be a quick store run and I would be right back. Dad even tried to pull out all the cool toy suggestions. Fail. It appeared as I was not leaving the house without my toddler.

Since it was confirmed I would be bringing along Chase I voiced that he would not be getting anything at the store. I don't want my kids expecting things, yet rather be grateful for them. Plus we had a rather unpleasant day and he surely did not earn getting anything for himself on this visit to the store. So off we went.

I knew what I needed and knew I needed to be quick about maneuvering around the store where we wouldn't pass by toys or any other gadgets that Chase may ask to bring home. But it happened, we ended up in the aisle that has balloons. Not just any balloons though: "Mommy look! Mickey Mouse Club House.

Fuck!

I knew right then and there I was screwed. And not in the good way.

I did say no. Really, it came out of my mouth easily. Then he said: "Yes mommy, yes" While jumping up and down with a smile on his face.

Then I started laughing.

And then I caved.

I let him get that freekin balloon.

I don't always give in to his "evil power". I can hold my ground rather well and am pretty firm with him. Yet as much as this child can get me angry (yes, I said it, my child makes me angry sometimes!) he also knows how to melt me in one smile. Reach that part of me that only my children can. In those moments I surrender, I am theirs.

Waiting to Exhale

Being a mommy of two boys has so many wonders. Especially at Chase's age. He is full of life and loves to explore. The child has no fear at all. He loves to climb, run, jump and give his mother heart palpation's. I find that I have begun to hold my breath at some moments waiting to exhale.

The simple joy of taking my son to the park has started to come with a bit of anxiety. There is a park near our house that Chase refers to as the "Big" park. Yes, there is another one near by he calls the "little" park. The big park is pretty cool but there are still things that worry me.

What if he loses his footing?

What is he misses a rail and falls?

He could break an arm? A leg?

Take a deep breath...he is almost to the top...phew... he did it

Then, he wants to do it again...and here comes that nauseous feeling again.

I get it, it is so good for him. Not to mention letting him explore and challenge himself teaches agility and confidence as well. For these reasons I try not to say no or let him see the fear I hold inside of me.

It's my mama bear instinct. I want to protect my children.

It is also my job though to let them spread their wings. To discover, to grow, to fly.

In motherhood there is so many moments of happiness and joy. The hold your breath moments, they surely challenge that. The playground is only the beginning. There will be endless moments when I hold my breath.

Pray.

Wait.

Then I will once again exhale.

I must remember the joy of it all. How this is not my journey and ride, but it is his.  

In love with a "nut"

At the end of my pregnancy with Wesley I started eating popcorn for snack each night. It was summer and it was something healthy & light. We do cheat a little and sprinkle Cabot's Cheddar Bake on it (if you have not tried this stuff you must go get some! Seriously, use it on popcorn, pasta, pizza's! It is only 25 calories for 2 teaspoons.) I am still hooked on my nightly popcorn. We do ours stove top (By choice, I don't own a microwave). Popcorn has great health benefits and I don't have to feel too guilty plowing handfuls in my mouth.

We first started using regular canola or vegetable oil to cook our popcorn. Then we switched to Avocado oil. I eat Avocado often and we made the switch to cooking with this oil since Avocado also has great health benefits. Then it happened, I fell in love with a nut...Coconut!

I have always liked coconut, it's flavor and it's smell. I had been reading a lot about all the health benefits that coconut has. I found one article that said it was great to use with popcorn. I was intrigued to say the least but needed to try it!

Purchasing it was harder than I ever would have thought. I had no idea what compressed oil was. So when I received my first two jars of Coconut oil  I was a little dumbfounded on how I use it. I contacted the store I ordered from, they weren't much help, but with the help of Google I found a great web page that gave me 50 ways to use Coconut oil!

First I gotta tell you that it makes the best popcorn. I was happily surprised and when we run out and use another oil I get bummed. I have used it in coffee, smoothies, for my hair and skin! Even on cuts, boo boos! We keep a jar in the kitchen and in the bathroom. I am in love!!

What could be better than some that is natural and so good for you!

We got a "Horsey"

Animals have always been a part of my life. Since  I was a child we had pets. Kizzy was the cat I had growing up. She lived to be 19. I was away at my first year of college when she passed away on her own. Then there was Chops. She was the dog we had growing up. I have a very vivid memory of her as a puppy and that was when I was two. Chops lived to be 16! We had hamsters. I had mice.  Mom had a small bird at one point. I  even had rats when I was a teenager. One of them use to sit on  my shoulder when I did homework. Yes, I said rat. Don't under estimate this creature, they are actually great pets but their life span is very short.

When I was little I wanted to be a veterinarian. You know, like every other child. I remember dressing up as a veterinarian for a school one day. As I grew up I hadn't intended to end up in the veterinary field. It actually happened by accident (I went to school for Social Services & psychology which comes in quite handy with working with people who own pets!)

It comes naturally then that I want animals to be a part of my family's life as they were a part of mine growing up. Chase, as he is so much like his mama, loves animals too. The last of my cats passed away last August so it has just been the two dogs and one grumpy guinea pig. Until Saturday. Saturday we got a "Horsey"

"Horsey" The Cat

Our local Humane Society  had an event this weekend called Maddie's Fund Adoption Day. We have been talking about getting another cat for a couple of months. We had a birthday party around the corner so I figured after the party we would go check it out. I wasn't going to go home with just any cat either, if we didn't find a fit, then it wasn't meant to be. Then we met "Horsey". We were actually in a room looking at another cat. He came out and came over to us and rubbed up on me & Chase and insisted on being pet. He picked us! He said, he guys, take me home!! So we did. As for the name, it was all Chase. In talking about getting a new cat a couple of weeks ago, I asked what he would name it, he said "Horsey". As we were waiting to fill out paperwork I asked him what he wanted to name him, it still remained "Horsey".

I have had people say to me (and they are lucky I didn't slap them) that children and animals don't belong together. I strongly disagree. Having animals teaches love, compassion, & responsibility.

So far "Horsey" is adapting well. Matter of fact he was just sitting with Chase because he chose to! He was meant to be here and a part of my son's life. I hope Chase will remember how we went and adopted this cat. How Chase helped save him and gave him a happy home.